Disco Pig – Glastonbury special

Brrrrdddrup brrrudpt! Yas, is da pig, coming at ya like a bag of nachos, but less cheesy init.

Pig at the gig

Pig at a gig

Well, this little piggy jus got back from Somersetshire where I’ve been totally at Glasto’. Me and my mate House Hog borrowed me nan’s Micra and razzed outta da city to get back to nature, although I did take da Nintendo with me. Yeah, we gone done the camping like da bosses. Although, HH did set fire to da tent we ‘borrowed’ from Millets with a stray blim, and we ain’t got a warranty.

It weren’t all peaches and RnB tho, as we wuz told that der’d be a lot of mud for wallowin’ in, but all we got was a dust bath and some sunburn, so wuz a bit of a scam.

Anyway, here’s sum of our top tunz performed at da festival;

SicklyB4dgr – Jumping the left shark

Cayenne East – Vocoder nightmare (where are you all going?)

CTRL-Alt-Delete – This cedar is ravenous

Spotless Highwayman – Relentless advert music

Mark Ronseal – Does exactly what it says on the sleeve

Florida Quivers – I’m just not partial to fisticuffs Nigel

Feral Wilikins – Cheerful (but tomorrow I may not be – I don’t know)

The Moo – Can we have our fields back, stoners?

Cyclebonce – The grace of maids

The Water Bottles – Telescopes offer you unrestricted lunar visuals


Well, more Disco Pig as soon as is most likely, which is possibly never given how long it’s been since the last one.

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Disco Pig

Pig in a 2CVHubbida hubbida, wik, wik, wikki, wha, full on BOOOOM! Ya, da pig return for moar mayhem init!

Disco pig been away on one of dem foreign exchange programmes. Big up to ma main Frenchies Monsour et Madam Porc who bin puttin’ up wiv me for six months while Disco Pig been improving meself. Da ladies love da French talk init! C’est combien mon pretty pretty? Guaranteed pullin’ powwa!

Anyway, me still bin keepin’ up with all da latest choons so here’s ma chart throw down…. Frappant Mélodie!

 

Peter Fry up and the Desk Clocks – I got that feeling of goat in me

PoorlyR4t – Mocha latta chatter flatter platter

Captain Spoonwright – What’s good for the moose is good for the Flanders

Hurdy-Schmurdy-Glockenspiel – The fox obviously says ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH’

The Dickinson – Tan come, Tan go

Massive Economic Landslide Panda Car Collective – You can’t crack nuts with celebrity butts

The Focaccias – Honestly Betty, I thought it was going to stain the wilton.

Blink One One Eight – Repetitive, irritating, meaningless and moustached

Tiresome – They appear not to be at home Samual

Goodwood Illness – Throwin’ up in a Yaris

The Rubbish Bodgers – A colander does not a good boat maketh…

Literal Steve – This is a song that I wrote about some emotions that I once experienced

Data Moth Light bulb binary


Disco Pig – it’s Noo Year’s Eve, innit!

Aiiieeeee hoof, hoof, hoof… yes folks it’s the biggest night of the year innit! Disco Pig is back with the beats from the renegade master – dey told me I can’t play bass and dat I can’t play drum, but I am ere to tell ya that I’m here actually innit. I’m not a Yankee, I’m a Londoner innit, and on da playground was were I spent most of ma dayze. I got in one little fight and Mrs Disco Pig got scared so she sent me to my Auntie and Uncle’s in Walfamstow innit!

Anyway, der fond trips dahn memory alley asides, Disco Pig is ere to give ya all the bangiest playlist for da bangiest night of the year – Noo Year’s Eve, innit! Disco Pig was in da big demand dis year and as had to turn down some big gigs, including one at dat O2 in his home tahn of Londan innit. Stoked though, cos I is now rocking the bins at Biffordshire’s biggest nightclub – Da Sugar Shed, just outsida of Moistbury on da A67, if you go past der Lamb and Foreskin pub you has gone too far innit. Turn around and hed back a bit, bit more, on da left innit. Yes, da place wiv da big sign up at the front.

Anyways, it’s free Bacardi Breezers all night for da ladies, so get in quick and you might even pull a Bacardi Geezer, that’s me innit!! Nah, don’t fink dat Disco is being all up and unfaithful to da missus and shizzle – she’s out of tahn visiting her poorly piggy gran in Colchester so while da missus is away visiting her poorly piggy gran in Colchester da Disco Pig will play… da top tunes all night innit! Ha ha…

Seriously d’oh Disco Pig is all loved up an dat so it would have to be somefink special to turn his eyes onto anover lady pig innit. Like a couple of drinks and some heavy petting behind da stage innit! Disco knows you ladies will be forming an orderly queue to get ya hoofs on dis bit of quality bacon, but I ain’t bovvered. Da lady I as is da love of me life innit – plus her gran is a lovely lady piggy. She was in da war and all dat. She was an air-raid piggy – ad to squeal when she saw any of dem Nazi planes and dat flying overhead – pwoper hero she was. Her passing, if it should come to dat, would be a sad day in da Disco household innit… mind you she’s facking loaded so let the good times and da turntables roll!

Anyways, listen to me cracking on about nuffink – I has got some vinyl to dig out for tonight’s sugar shed shenanigans! Get der early Pig fans it’s going to be a crackling night of porky phat phun!

 

Waste of Time ft The Delighted Landlord£15 just to get into my own local

Eric Pickles and the Cheese CrewLeave it Barry, let’s just all have a drink yeah?

What’s the Point? – In bed by 10.30

FredMau5 – Right said Fred

Tinnie Tiddly Ft MC Shoehorn – Can’t Make Luv Tonight

Robert KilometresBowl Clutcher (Hold back my hair)

The Over Friendly Strangers – What you looking at (it ain’t got no label on it)

West Street BoyzLager on my whities, vodka on my loafers

Phat Boy PhatIt’s raining (door) men

The Checked ShirtsDon’t encourage him, Sandra

Calvin’s Klein’sPants up high, trousers down low

The Bog Gropers Ft MC SmarmHanging around outside da Ladies

Disorientated Scoundrel (Ft Almond Van Nut) – Conkers 

Rogan Josh ProjectInfinity Naanty Naanies (time for a Ruby)

The Kebab KrewYou want everything on, boss?

Street Fighters (Ft DJ Punch Drunk)Oh heavens, Andrea, I appear to have dropped my chips

The Beer Scooters – La, la, la, la, la, lager, bit, bit, bit, bitter, vod, vod, vod, vodka, she, she, she, sherry

The Misguided (Ft MC Testosterone) – Yes, she probably IS a lesbian, Stuart

DJ Morning AfterVery dark in colour, but it floats


Disco Pig

Pig in a hat
Jungle bellz…

Jingle da bells, jungle bellz, jingle da bellz. Stop. Swine-rewind!!!! Ya know it! It’s da pig coming at ya like a Lidl Stollen!

I bin getting the monies in ready fo Christmas coz I want to treat ma nan to a fierce foot spa dey got on special down at Boots. She totally worth it bruv!

Disco pig been working in one of those Christmas seasonal shops init. And man he be getting bored of Christmas songs on da shop stereo! Serious, if I hear Mariah Carey singin’ about what she want fo Christmas one more time, dere’ll be a crime. Nah, but serious, dere will…

Anyz, ‘ere’s da latest festive stampin’ tunez all wrapped up just fo youz.

 

Biff Clitchard – Time to buy a new calendar

Bradford Moped Group – Stop! Carry on.

Ashes Misery – I put five on it

Neonicotinoid Pesticides – Brian’s off to Lowestoft again

Megaquake – The thrill of cheese

Barry Goblin (ft. Frankie Ankles) – Shambolic log flume

Hemplegrunt Mupderspinch – Tra-la-la-la-la-faraldo-gadzooks-euro

Mincing Pies – Fabulously stuffed

Grumpy Dad – You can open them after dinner

High street Robbery – Seasonal price rise (saw ya comin’ reprise mix)

The Geordie Sores – Herod as a toad

Spatch! – No honestly Claire, I’ve always wanted a slanket. Lovely.

Unauthorised Entry – Stuck up your chimney


Disco pig – Halloween special

Pig-kin

Can’t breathe in dis thing!

Whoooooo…. WhoooOOOOooooo…. WhhhoooooooooOOOO! Nah, is not a ghost! Is me, Disco pig coming atcha like spooky pair a dungarees! Totally!

Disco pig, he loves Halloween coz he gets to do some of that Trick or Treatin’. Last year, some geezer on da posh estate, he bin tellin’ us that we not getting no treat, so we came back later and we treat us to his car keys! He be handin’ out da Haribo like a good boi dis year me think!

Disco pig also be playin’ up at the community centre lataz at the annual Monster Mosh, and here are some of da hauntin’ hoof hammerers me be playin!

 

The Decapitation Brothers – Don’t lose your head (down the back of the sofa)

Fright Train – Hell soulless sister

The Multifunctional Vampires – The JML bloodlust jamboree

The Clanking Chains – Comin’ off the sprocket

Day-Zee ft. Mad Fitt – Bryony, the Zombies are back again. I’ll tell them to try the Patterson’s next door

Schrilllllooricxxxx – Even monsters had mums once

Spectral Bookies – All bats are off

The Curse of Miss Malaprop – Prick or feet

The Jason Voorhees Ensemble – Why can’t I just meet a nice lady and settle down?

Pendulous – Calor gas night terrors

The Gangrenous Toads – Hubble double trouble

The Michael Jackson Puppetry Theatre – Thriller 2013 (strung-up mix)


Dishco Pig……..

Tulip DJ

No sterotyping here…

Hi folksh, yesh itsh David Vienetta, top Anglo Dutch DJ and all around the place good guy. With my blonde good looksh and muschcular frame I’m a hit on the danchefloor as well and not unincluding the ladiesh in that deshcription. You bet your asses on that one. Oh yesh.

Itsh great that Discho Pig hash given me the opportunity to big up my next DJ set. Uh huh oh yeah for shure I am looking forward very much to rocking it out at the Clunge Village Hall nextsh Tuesday afternoon. Apparently I am booked in to play for the Clunge’s Women Inshitute and for that I am totally shtoked! Itsh going to be a rocking afternoon oh yeah for shure. Anywaysh, Discho Pig saysh to me, David Vienetta, you gotta give my loyal readersh a taste of your shet for the gig! You may not know but I met Discho at a Rotterdam rave way back in the late 90sshhhh. He wash just a young piglet shtarting out in the buishness, but onsh he got his trottersh on the decksh I knew he wash a natural. Oh yeah for shure.

Anyway without further adosh, here ish my shet for Clunge. Itsh gonna ba a paaaaaarrrttttaaaaayyyyyy

 

Drool & The Gang – Just had an injection at the dentist

Indeep – Last Night A Dj waved at my wife

Bobby Brown Stain – Can you pass me the Vosene Gladys

Luther Dandruff – Never Too Much, unless I have enough already

Rufus And Chaka Can – Ain’t nobody, just a head in a glass jar

Camel-o – Lemon curd up!

De-houseboat – Rhythm Of The Kite (it flaps around in high winds)

Black Fox – Hide On Time (I’ll close my eyes and count to ten)

Rockwell – Somebody’s Washing Me but I’m allergic to soap

 Salt-N-Vinegar – Push It (starter motor is knackered)

 Rainmack & Rainmack – Raindrops look like my tears after I stubbed my toe

 Shalacar – A Ford Cortina to remember

The Whispers – What? You’ll have to speak up love, I’m a trifle deaf

S.A.S. Band – Gonna storm the embassy

Robert Kilometres – Children (don’t know they’re born these days)


Disco Pig

pig in a bath

Close the door eh?

Schlump, schlump, schlump, weep, weep, WEEEP! Big greetings to ya ma’ tribe of trotterlytes! It’s ‘da’ pig comin’ atcha like a tube o’ Smarties.

Last week, Disco Pig been helping out his blud, Plumbing Pig, puttin’ in some on-suites in a swanky development in da’ ‘burbs. It was haaaard work and I been sufferin’ with grout-snout ever since. Na’ cool at all.

Anyway, we got tru it listening to some choice tunz on the ghetto blaster. Check out deez beday bangers!

 

Norris Cheeseweight and the Horn Bags – Blue Water is a place on Earth

Wrong Direction – Wrong. Just plain wrong

The White Gloves – Cue-balls in ma pockets (chalk in my heart)

Jazz Chicken (ft. Andy Coleslaw) – Honestly Gertrude, none of us are safe

Brighton Grammar – The song what we did write

Attic Spades – What’s your shed at?

The Young and Hip-Trendy – Amazeballs! Now get out

La Rochelle – Où est la plage?

Desmond Double Decker – Eating makes my jaw sore

The Osrams – Ele-mental horses (Waaah!…Waaah!)

Sizzle Chicks – Lost shuttlecocks tell no lies

Dustin Lumberjack – International Monetary Funk