Aiiieeeee hoof, hoof, hoof… yes folks it’s the biggest night of the year innit! Disco Pig is back with the beats from the renegade master – dey told me I can’t play bass and dat I can’t play drum, but I am ere to tell ya that I’m here actually innit. I’m not a Yankee, I’m a Londoner innit, and on da playground was were I spent most of ma dayze. I got in one little fight and Mrs Disco Pig got scared so she sent me to my Auntie and Uncle’s in Walfamstow innit!
Anyway, der fond trips dahn memory alley asides, Disco Pig is ere to give ya all the bangiest playlist for da bangiest night of the year – Noo Year’s Eve, innit! Disco Pig was in da big demand dis year and as had to turn down some big gigs, including one at dat O2 in his home tahn of Londan innit. Stoked though, cos I is now rocking the bins at Biffordshire’s biggest nightclub – Da Sugar Shed, just outsida of Moistbury on da A67, if you go past der Lamb and Foreskin pub you has gone too far innit. Turn around and hed back a bit, bit more, on da left innit. Yes, da place wiv da big sign up at the front.
Anyways, it’s free Bacardi Breezers all night for da ladies, so get in quick and you might even pull a Bacardi Geezer, that’s me innit!! Nah, don’t fink dat Disco is being all up and unfaithful to da missus and shizzle – she’s out of tahn visiting her poorly piggy gran in Colchester so while da missus is away visiting her poorly piggy gran in Colchester da Disco Pig will play… da top tunes all night innit! Ha ha…
Seriously d’oh Disco Pig is all loved up an dat so it would have to be somefink special to turn his eyes onto anover lady pig innit. Like a couple of drinks and some heavy petting behind da stage innit! Disco knows you ladies will be forming an orderly queue to get ya hoofs on dis bit of quality bacon, but I ain’t bovvered. Da lady I as is da love of me life innit – plus her gran is a lovely lady piggy. She was in da war and all dat. She was an air-raid piggy – ad to squeal when she saw any of dem Nazi planes and dat flying overhead – pwoper hero she was. Her passing, if it should come to dat, would be a sad day in da Disco household innit… mind you she’s facking loaded so let the good times and da turntables roll!
Anyways, listen to me cracking on about nuffink – I has got some vinyl to dig out for tonight’s sugar shed shenanigans! Get der early Pig fans it’s going to be a crackling night of porky phat phun!
Waste of Time ft The Delighted Landlord – £15 just to get into my own local
Eric Pickles and the Cheese Crew – Leave it Barry, let’s just all have a drink yeah?
What’s the Point? – In bed by 10.30
FredMau5 – Right said Fred
Tinnie Tiddly Ft MC Shoehorn – Can’t Make Luv Tonight
Robert Kilometres – Bowl Clutcher (Hold back my hair)
The Over Friendly Strangers – What you looking at (it ain’t got no label on it)
West Street Boyz – Lager on my whities, vodka on my loafers
Phat Boy Phat – It’s raining (door) men
The Checked Shirts – Don’t encourage him, Sandra
Calvin’s Klein’s – Pants up high, trousers down low
The Bog Gropers Ft MC Smarm – Hanging around outside da Ladies
Disorientated Scoundrel (Ft Almond Van Nut) – Conkers
Rogan Josh Project – Infinity Naanty Naanies (time for a Ruby)
The Kebab Krew – You want everything on, boss?
Street Fighters (Ft DJ Punch Drunk) – Oh heavens, Andrea, I appear to have dropped my chips
The Beer Scooters – La, la, la, la, la, lager, bit, bit, bit, bitter, vod, vod, vod, vodka, she, she, she, sherry
The Misguided (Ft MC Testosterone) – Yes, she probably IS a lesbian, Stuart
DJ Morning After – Very dark in colour, but it floats