O restaurante que a minha mãe atirou em um homem em

PortugueseCome dine at Thrunk’s finest Portuguese restaurant – right next door to Thrunk’s second finest Portuguese restaurant in Rumbelows Lane.

We cater to all shapes and genders regardless of nationality or pet ownership (no dogs please). We are also farm machinery-friendly and operate strict no groping zones at each end of the premises.

Starters

Cautious Goujons with a mudcat terrine
Little tiny Brian Blessed cakes
A surprised marmot with fried potato strips

Mains

A bilious of tarmac with flotsam and jetsam coulis
Hermetically sealed hermit with a shy salad
Fame! cutlet with live for ever fries
Flame grilled Saturn with onion rings

Pudding will be…

…having an epiphany

Please ensure that you are who you say you are and not an imposter pretending to be who you aren’t. Thank you for your understanding.

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El Resterant erección masiva

Come and eat at Biffordshire’s most popular Spanish / Venezuelan fusion restaurant!

Spanish doll

A family restaurant…

We cater for anyone from an angry distant aunt to your brother’s mate Tarquinii. Special rates for Monarchs and third division footballers. In house entertainment includes our very own Gastric Band who will serenade you with Yazoo’s greatest hits.

 

Entremés

Deep fried frog on a log with a scraping of turnip shoe

Prawn surprise – not suitable for those with heart conditions as the prawns are very keen

Bloated Plutocrat on a deep-stuffed mattress

 

Plato principal

Baby mushrooms in a white trouser sauce with a flimsy of Smash™

Steak of Peter Frampton lightly gnashed with boiled ear oil (a real colon pleaser!)

Mmmmmmmm of Salmon served with a reconstructed turkey drummer and blast-radius salad

‘Oh come ON!’ toast with a thermal caribou pâté

 

Postre will be…

…making snarky comments from the corner of the room.

 

Please book early to avoid booking late. Or alternatively, book late to avoid booking early – whichever suits.


Restaurant De Moda Gimp Piscines

Come visit! Bring the kids (unless they have behavioural issues), bring Grandma (unless she’s racist), bring a long-lost friend that you ran in to in Budgens recently and have harboured a passion for over many frustrating years.

 

Starters

Holy moley fish soley in a rolly polly guacamole sauce.

Grunting of Pete, from Donnington. Bones a certainty.

 

Main

Spanking buttered goat boots. Very spicy!!

A championship of clams. *Please note clams may sing when served.

A wallet of notes flambéed at your table with a mwahahaha!!! side dish.

Donkey Waffles, smooth gravel and shavings of sweet, sweet doubt.

 

Pudding will be…

Muttering about the war.

 

Please book in advance as refusal is likely to be brutally expressed.


Restaurant de rance jambon vert

At our restaurant just off the trail at the summit of Pendle Hill, we employ only the tallest chiefs to ensure quality at altitude, not attitude. No hair guaranteed! Stool kicking included in the price.

Starters

Betty Boop in a zoot suit soup

Grindings of gas with a Volvo boot strut

A frotting of loose chippings

 

Main

Gnat sack goujons with a ships bilge topping

Scooter spleen splunked on a beaver farm

A flag of nappy cheese extolled in the virtues of space travel

Moist retching geese (retched at your table for freshness)

 

Pudding will be..

Notable by its heavy sigh.

 

There is a service charge which may vary depending on various variables. Check your variables before arrival.


Restaurant de limpieza un cerdo minuciosamente

Nebraska! Here are the votes of the Belgian people….

This week, Le Restuarant de limpieza un cerdo minuciosamente is throbbed to present its special Grange Hill menu. Served daily after school just before Newsround.

Pour le mains….

  • Eradicated Owl feet in a Gripper Stebson sauce, served with the droppings of anti-aircraft guns. Served on a mattress of mattresses and lightly whisked until turgid
  • Gopher juice, gently encouraged from a thousand lactating gophers. Skewered and heavily mated over a slow, slow, quick, quick, slow flame
  • Swimming pool for hire – no petting in the deep end. Comes with bronzed lifeguard and set of trunks. Fork optional
  • Belly jelly – haughty blackbird stomachs folded in two and set for hours in Celia Imrie’s fridge. Comes with set of brake lights, and a subscription to Slap My Husband magazine
  • Quartered fresh badger paws. Stuffed with David Coleman peppers and rhubarbs which have been forced to carry out random crime sprees on newsagents throughout South East London, against their will
  • Stripped and beaten beef steaks, served in a Bob Monkhouse style sauce. Served during re-runs of the Benny Hill Show.

And pour le Puddings? 

  • Ginger Gonch cake, bullied thoroughly and told it has no future. Served with pant cream and fried hamsters

Restaurant l’agresseur de chèvre

Visit the latest in fine dining located in Groat Street Rainham, Kent. Our chefs are trained under The Great Alfonso so expect a plate rammed full of magic! Gastro-tastic!

Le Menu

Starters

Moulin Rouge stuffed with Cabaret
Leaves from an agoraphobic’s front garden draped over a chair (V)

Main

Waft of wizard complete with a catatonic pheasant’s side-burns
Furious salmon with a hoping of artichokes (dogma optional)
Great big headphones straddling a morose pigmy onion
Failed history teacher thrown from a building site with a guess of toys (V)
Boast of flan and full of fun (ghost extra)

Pudding will be;

Grateful of company

 

All prices are subject to change with the weather. APR equiv’ to 128%.