Jingle da bells, jungle bellz, jingle da bellz. Stop. Swine-rewind!!!! Ya know it! It’s da pig coming at ya like a Lidl Stollen!
I bin getting the monies in ready fo Christmas coz I want to treat ma nan to a fierce foot spa dey got on special down at Boots. She totally worth it bruv!
Disco pig been working in one of those Christmas seasonal shops init. And man he be getting bored of Christmas songs on da shop stereo! Serious, if I hear Mariah Carey singin’ about what she want fo Christmas one more time, dere’ll be a crime. Nah, but serious, dere will…
Anyz, ‘ere’s da latest festive stampin’ tunez all wrapped up just fo youz.
Biff Clitchard – Time to buy a new calendar
Bradford Moped Group – Stop! Carry on.
Ashes Misery – I put five on it
Neonicotinoid Pesticides – Brian’s off to Lowestoft again
Megaquake – The thrill of cheese
Barry Goblin (ft. Frankie Ankles) – Shambolic log flume
Hemplegrunt Mupderspinch – Tra-la-la-la-la-faraldo-gadzooks-euro
Mincing Pies – Fabulously stuffed
Grumpy Dad – You can open them after dinner
High street Robbery – Seasonal price rise (saw ya comin’ reprise mix)
The Geordie Sores – Herod as a toad
Spatch! – No honestly Claire, I’ve always wanted a slanket. Lovely.
Unauthorised Entry – Stuck up your chimney
Hoopla hoopla hoooooopla! Snout! Snout! Wiiiiiggieeeeeee!
Nice, intro there I reckon! How’s it goin’ ‘me trotter tribe? Disco pig be here spinning ‘d platterz what matterz! Well I have been spinning platterz coz Disco Pig get himself a cushy job down at Nando’s. Peri peri nice! I been workin’ and savin’ up for a sweet lookin’ scootae to impress ma sly sty friends. Dat’s ‘d ladies init! Dey be lovin’ a pig wiv wheels.
Anywayz, I been sniffin’ out some musical truffles for yoos. Bang ‘em on ya sound system…
Kevin Crackers and The Spreads – Both ways lead to Evesham
Shania Twine – Man! I feel like a cheese string
Rash Judges – Gavel burns
Tiny Fix – Leaky tap doing my nut in
They Could Be Midgets – Richard Roundtree stole my face but bought me flowers to make amends
Bad Trip – Sesame Street pinball shuffle(Ft. The number 7)
Spooky Fruit – OooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOoooooranges…
The Stoned Moses – G.E.A.R
Jif Marathon – Stupid global brand alignment
Jonny Trialer – Pop goes the Euro (vision)
Lexus Teaspoon Massacre – Got any two-stroke mister?
Bruno Saturn – When I was your Planet
The Barely Bare Bears – Quick Louise! The microwave’s on fire!
Thinking Lizards – Has Brenda found that pair of ornamental bees yet?
Backed a Wrong ‘un – Yes! Yes! Yes! Aw come ON!
Chang, chang, chang…badawhoop, badawhoop. Ayeiiie it me, Disco Da Friggin’ Pig back in da house to spin you some more of me bangin numbers, my little lean back bacon butties. Gloop, Gloop! What has de world famus Disco Pig been doin dis last week I hear you grunt? Well, woz no more my little mucky piglets cos I iz here to tell ya. Pin ’em back cos here it is.
Da Disco Pig’s sista, Nightclub Pig came round ma crib last week wiv her little porkers. Dey is da bomb, but still young and finding der trotters in dis difficult world of ours ya know? Anydeways, dey got out da connect four and we had a battle in front of Cash in de Attic on da tellybox. Dem young porkers stink at connecting fours and Disco Pig beat em up bad, real bad wiv a 3-1 win in a best of five…Hah Disco Pig is da boss hog! Chill time now bloods – here is ma selection of top toons from da music scene this week, so burn up a spliff and enjoy – chang, chang!
Gullible Seagulls – Would you stop rubbing it now, Nigel!
Barry Goblin feat. MC Toolkit – Takin’ my barnacle (back to the shop)
The Biscuit Twins – Kung Fu Hymen gonna get you
Twisted Aubergines – No, it’s a not a pear, clearly
Frumpledink Hunglebert – Blackbird’s heart going to break in two
Asthmatic Maths Teachers – Squeezing the chalk
The Secret Gypsys – Can’t find my horse, perhaps it’s gone to Oxford
Amorphous Whores – Money can’t buy you gloves
The Arctic Camcorders – Weasel, weasel, weasel, stoat, stoat, stoat
The Suppository Muffins – Ding Dong Squirrel (gonna ring ya bell)
Subordinate Lemons – Mashin up and mashin down, we are mashin all around
Asbestos Mice Ft. DJ Jacket Potato – Ships stop at the chip shop for chips, stop
The Scrotum Warriors – Went to the library and popped in to see my sister afterwards
The Cactus Moose – Hospital beds ain’t what they used to be
George Haemorrhoid – Push it, push it real good
Compulsive Tennis Nets – Can’t get you out of my shed
More hoof-tapping toons next week yer hear me now?
Hoot hoot your hoot, my porcine piggy pals coz I iz back-on da groove with sum more of me razzling, and ruffling ruffty tuffty toons. Aye, it me Disco Pig here to keep your farm as phat as a monkey at monsoon time innit. I az bin away for a bit ya knaw – just burning spliff and chillin wit me brevven in da sty. In fact it bin so chillin me gonna ring MTV and get meself on Cribs – natch they will be renaming it Sties in honour and respec’ to da Disco Pig innit!
Anydeways, dat is enough from me my huge porky scratchings – dis is my latest cullectishon of boss de-boss toons for ya listening pleasure. Get yer ear caverns around dis lot – solid!
Ivory Merchant – Blood is thicker than water, and so is custard
The Exhaust Pipes – Mamma’s gonna try for an injunction
DJ Fiveskin ft. Keith Harris – Asda roll back
Dinglevalve Shumperdank – Euro, Euro, Euro, bang, bang, bang
DJ MG Midget – Handbrake off! It’s Curry Night!
The Souffle Perverts – Soiled bedding is all crispy crème
The Foolish Dictionaries – Arthur’s moved to Hemel Hempstead
MC Torpid and the Slugglish Spoons – Crap ambulance don’t do bends
The Moist Kittens – Fudge, fudge, have you got a van of fudge?
Paul Handsome-Crab – Discharge and dat charge
My Bonnie – Lies over the ocean, unless he’s dead
Throbbing Gristle – Anguished ovens ain’t cooking my pork
Unwellmau5 – Lucozade has pepped me right up
Sack, Back and Quack – Do be do, do be do, be do dooo
The Spittle-heads – The boys are all in my yard, because I do make very nice milkshakes. Second to none!
The Itch Doctors – Rash on your inner thigh
More hoof-tapping toons next week yer hear me now?
Yo,what it is you disco- loving muthas. It’s me Disco Pig, back with the phattest tunes on da phat farm. Hear me now, dese toons are the drizzle my little headphone piglets so get on em while dey is hot to trotter. Can I get a snout out, rewind…come on my little pink players, get em downloaded…dey be the Frazzlest terrrr-acks out there innit….
DJ Budgens Ft. Annabel Croft – Scupper the boat
Suspicious Brownstar – The shed is still locked, George
Basic carrots – Arthur C Clarke
Westside of town Ft. Lionel Blair – Carpet Stains
Arthur C Clarke – Basic Carrots
Can you feel the heat? – Get off the radiator you odious man
DJ Cream T – Jammin on the bread product
Marrissey – Heaven knows I’m in love with bread products
Badsnake – Gone done and bit me on the ass
Findus Crispy Pancakes – Dark side of the pancake
Goobledooble Facemymother – Magnificent Oaks
Whackstain – Arthur loves trains. ok?
The Chlorine Sisters – Swimming Trunks, rock, swimming trunks roll
Fast Freddy and Barry Goblin – Tracks of my ears