Brrrrdddrup brrrudpt! Yas, is da pig, coming at ya like a bag of nachos, but less cheesy init.
Well, this little piggy jus got back from Somersetshire where I’ve been totally at Glasto’. Me and my mate House Hog borrowed me nan’s Micra and razzed outta da city to get back to nature, although I did take da Nintendo with me. Yeah, we gone done the camping like da bosses. Although, HH did set fire to da tent we ‘borrowed’ from Millets with a stray blim, and we ain’t got a warranty.
It weren’t all peaches and RnB tho, as we wuz told that der’d be a lot of mud for wallowin’ in, but all we got was a dust bath and some sunburn, so wuz a bit of a scam.
Anyway, here’s sum of our top tunz performed at da festival;
SicklyB4dgr – Jumping the left shark
Cayenne East – Vocoder nightmare (where are you all going?)
CTRL-Alt-Delete – This cedar is ravenous
Spotless Highwayman – Relentless advert music
Mark Ronseal – Does exactly what it says on the sleeve
Florida Quivers – I’m just not partial to fisticuffs Nigel
Feral Wilikins – Cheerful (but tomorrow I may not be – I don’t know)
The Moo – Can we have our fields back, stoners?
Cyclebonce – The grace of maids
The Water Bottles – Telescopes offer you unrestricted lunar visuals
Well, more Disco Pig as soon as is most likely, which is possibly never given how long it’s been since the last one.
Jingle da bells, jungle bellz, jingle da bellz. Stop. Swine-rewind!!!! Ya know it! It’s da pig coming at ya like a Lidl Stollen!
I bin getting the monies in ready fo Christmas coz I want to treat ma nan to a fierce foot spa dey got on special down at Boots. She totally worth it bruv!
Disco pig been working in one of those Christmas seasonal shops init. And man he be getting bored of Christmas songs on da shop stereo! Serious, if I hear Mariah Carey singin’ about what she want fo Christmas one more time, dere’ll be a crime. Nah, but serious, dere will…
Anyz, ‘ere’s da latest festive stampin’ tunez all wrapped up just fo youz.
Biff Clitchard – Time to buy a new calendar
Bradford Moped Group – Stop! Carry on.
Ashes Misery – I put five on it
Neonicotinoid Pesticides – Brian’s off to Lowestoft again
Megaquake – The thrill of cheese
Barry Goblin (ft. Frankie Ankles) – Shambolic log flume
Hemplegrunt Mupderspinch – Tra-la-la-la-la-faraldo-gadzooks-euro
Mincing Pies – Fabulously stuffed
Grumpy Dad – You can open them after dinner
High street Robbery – Seasonal price rise (saw ya comin’ reprise mix)
The Geordie Sores – Herod as a toad
Spatch! – No honestly Claire, I’ve always wanted a slanket. Lovely.
Unauthorised Entry – Stuck up your chimney
Whoooooo…. WhoooOOOOooooo…. WhhhoooooooooOOOO! Nah, is not a ghost! Is me, Disco pig coming atcha like spooky pair a dungarees! Totally!
Disco pig, he loves Halloween coz he gets to do some of that Trick or Treatin’. Last year, some geezer on da posh estate, he bin tellin’ us that we not getting no treat, so we came back later and we treat us to his car keys! He be handin’ out da Haribo like a good boi dis year me think!
Disco pig also be playin’ up at the community centre lataz at the annual Monster Mosh, and here are some of da hauntin’ hoof hammerers me be playin!
The Decapitation Brothers – Don’t lose your head (down the back of the sofa)
Fright Train – Hell soulless sister
The Multifunctional Vampires – The JML bloodlust jamboree
The Clanking Chains – Comin’ off the sprocket
Day-Zee ft. Mad Fitt – Bryony, the Zombies are back again. I’ll tell them to try the Patterson’s next door
Schrilllllooricxxxx – Even monsters had mums once
Spectral Bookies – All bats are off
The Curse of Miss Malaprop – Prick or feet
The Jason Voorhees Ensemble – Why can’t I just meet a nice lady and settle down?
Pendulous – Calor gas night terrors
The Gangrenous Toads – Hubble double trouble
The Michael Jackson Puppetry Theatre – Thriller 2013 (strung-up mix)
BIP, BIP, BIP, BOP, BOP, Weeeow Weeeow Weeeow Burzzzzzp. Yeah, it’s da pig, voice boxin’ like dat funny man off Police Academy. Disco Pig, he is not liking that film coz the fuzz always win init. Not cool brah…
Anywayz, I been staying at me nans, Cha-Cha Pig, lookin’ after her and keepin’ her nice. She does a royal Sunday lunch wiv all the trimmings so life is sweeeeet! She been havin’ some trouble wiv da local hoofs comin’ around her manor and tearing up her begonias. Disco Pig be all up in their face and stuff and teachin’ dem some manners. Unfortunate for Disco Pig, dey go and call up their brothers and, before I know it, da whole Aston Clinton massive be all over Disco Pig like a moth to honey!
Me? I got outta there man! Da Pig knows what good for him ya know!
Anyway, check out the total quality on dis selection of top beats! TUUUUNZ and naaaa fillaaaaa!
Disco Pig charts
The Best of the Bests – Mauve, Mauve, oh I’m so Mauve
Grimlock Ft. Spade of Bass – Get me to Winchester and the people will be freed!
Peter Gurdy and the Festival of Angles – You’re so obtuse (you probably think this song is about Bagels)
Skanky Fire Engine – Sound your siren like you want it
Overworld – Died sloppy
Café-Del-Mars-Bar – Deep fried if possible
The Other Otters Offer Better Butter – Soon see Sue’s sale shoes
The Temperate – I can see no reason why buying this record will affect you in any way
The Spokey Dokey’s – Click………click……..click…..click…click..clickclickclickclick
Frankie goes to Pinewood – Seriously, just calm down ok?
Queens of Marbella – Your villa’s on fire (Time-Sharez mix)
Messy Conquest – Dip in the crimson lake
M Cox and the Splendid Nosegays – Today has scampi written all over it
Hoopla hoopla hoooooopla! Snout! Snout! Wiiiiiggieeeeeee!
Nice, intro there I reckon! How’s it goin’ ‘me trotter tribe? Disco pig be here spinning ‘d platterz what matterz! Well I have been spinning platterz coz Disco Pig get himself a cushy job down at Nando’s. Peri peri nice! I been workin’ and savin’ up for a sweet lookin’ scootae to impress ma sly sty friends. Dat’s ‘d ladies init! Dey be lovin’ a pig wiv wheels.
Anywayz, I been sniffin’ out some musical truffles for yoos. Bang ‘em on ya sound system…
Kevin Crackers and The Spreads – Both ways lead to Evesham
Shania Twine – Man! I feel like a cheese string
Rash Judges – Gavel burns
Tiny Fix – Leaky tap doing my nut in
They Could Be Midgets – Richard Roundtree stole my face but bought me flowers to make amends
Bad Trip – Sesame Street pinball shuffle(Ft. The number 7)
Spooky Fruit – OooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOoooooranges…
The Stoned Moses – G.E.A.R
Jif Marathon – Stupid global brand alignment
Jonny Trialer – Pop goes the Euro (vision)
Lexus Teaspoon Massacre – Got any two-stroke mister?
Bruno Saturn – When I was your Planet
The Barely Bare Bears – Quick Louise! The microwave’s on fire!
Thinking Lizards – Has Brenda found that pair of ornamental bees yet?
Backed a Wrong ‘un – Yes! Yes! Yes! Aw come ON!
Diggin’ da piggy! Diggin’ da piggy ! Diggin’ da piggy! SWINE-OVERLORD!
Ya, das right, it Disco pig comin’ atcha like a bag of Fruitella!
Me and ma pig-brudda’s be all tearing up da clubs fo sho and Disco pig, he been spinning da platterz wot matterz iniit? In fact, Disco Pig been spinnin’ other platterz coz he been doin’ Come Dine Wiv Me on the T of V. Last night, Disco Pig had Delroy Pearson from Five Star, Vicki Michelle from dat Allo, Allo and Leonard Fenton who is Mister Dr. Legg from da Eastenders. Disco Pig won wiv his Moroccan inspired Kefta and chips. Dat some tasty dish I laid on them muthas. Fenton was well gutted.
Anywayz, time for Disco Pig to give out me musical advice from his bass-bin of tail-twirlers. Dis gonna mess ya right up!
Ramm Jamm and Gran Spam – Feed it some liver and let it live
The Spellbound Toddlers – Bright colours
Fracking Marvelous – Spanklebracelet
The Budleigh Salterton Cruize Party – Bowling green tragedy
Bobby Halitosis – Huffing in ya hand
The Ocelot Bombers – Whispering tramp, proud at heart
They Might be Muffins – Cup cake mix up
Antimacassar – Greasy marks
Toast Float ft. Spanish Graham – Fold them before they crease (ee-zee iron remix)
Consuming the Boat – Even the oars
The Unhappy Camper – Loving in the stoat bunkers
Bum-Taps – Rear ended (by your huge love vehicle)
Incredible Nazi Goldfish – Fish tash and no lighthouse
Miss Kia-Ora – Seven year warranty
Potato Party Ft. PSY – Salty banquet
Chang, chang, chang…badawhoop, badawhoop. Ayeiiie it me, Disco Da Friggin’ Pig back in da house to spin you some more of me bangin numbers, my little lean back bacon butties. Gloop, Gloop! What has de world famus Disco Pig been doin dis last week I hear you grunt? Well, woz no more my little mucky piglets cos I iz here to tell ya. Pin ’em back cos here it is.
Da Disco Pig’s sista, Nightclub Pig came round ma crib last week wiv her little porkers. Dey is da bomb, but still young and finding der trotters in dis difficult world of ours ya know? Anydeways, dey got out da connect four and we had a battle in front of Cash in de Attic on da tellybox. Dem young porkers stink at connecting fours and Disco Pig beat em up bad, real bad wiv a 3-1 win in a best of five…Hah Disco Pig is da boss hog! Chill time now bloods – here is ma selection of top toons from da music scene this week, so burn up a spliff and enjoy – chang, chang!
Gullible Seagulls – Would you stop rubbing it now, Nigel!
Barry Goblin feat. MC Toolkit – Takin’ my barnacle (back to the shop)
The Biscuit Twins – Kung Fu Hymen gonna get you
Twisted Aubergines – No, it’s a not a pear, clearly
Frumpledink Hunglebert – Blackbird’s heart going to break in two
Asthmatic Maths Teachers – Squeezing the chalk
The Secret Gypsys – Can’t find my horse, perhaps it’s gone to Oxford
Amorphous Whores – Money can’t buy you gloves
The Arctic Camcorders – Weasel, weasel, weasel, stoat, stoat, stoat
The Suppository Muffins – Ding Dong Squirrel (gonna ring ya bell)
Subordinate Lemons – Mashin up and mashin down, we are mashin all around
Asbestos Mice Ft. DJ Jacket Potato – Ships stop at the chip shop for chips, stop
The Scrotum Warriors – Went to the library and popped in to see my sister afterwards
The Cactus Moose – Hospital beds ain’t what they used to be
George Haemorrhoid – Push it, push it real good
Compulsive Tennis Nets – Can’t get you out of my shed
More hoof-tapping toons next week yer hear me now?