Disco Pig – Glastonbury special

Brrrrdddrup brrrudpt! Yas, is da pig, coming at ya like a bag of nachos, but less cheesy init.

Pig at the gig

Pig at a gig

Well, this little piggy jus got back from Somersetshire where I’ve been totally at Glasto’. Me and my mate House Hog borrowed me nan’s Micra and razzed outta da city to get back to nature, although I did take da Nintendo with me. Yeah, we gone done the camping like da bosses. Although, HH did set fire to da tent we ‘borrowed’ from Millets with a stray blim, and we ain’t got a warranty.

It weren’t all peaches and RnB tho, as we wuz told that der’d be a lot of mud for wallowin’ in, but all we got was a dust bath and some sunburn, so wuz a bit of a scam.

Anyway, here’s sum of our top tunz performed at da festival;

SicklyB4dgr – Jumping the left shark

Cayenne East – Vocoder nightmare (where are you all going?)

CTRL-Alt-Delete – This cedar is ravenous

Spotless Highwayman – Relentless advert music

Mark Ronseal – Does exactly what it says on the sleeve

Florida Quivers – I’m just not partial to fisticuffs Nigel

Feral Wilikins – Cheerful (but tomorrow I may not be – I don’t know)

The Moo – Can we have our fields back, stoners?

Cyclebonce – The grace of maids

The Water Bottles – Telescopes offer you unrestricted lunar visuals


Well, more Disco Pig as soon as is most likely, which is possibly never given how long it’s been since the last one.

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Disco Pig

Pig in a hat
Jungle bellz…

Jingle da bells, jungle bellz, jingle da bellz. Stop. Swine-rewind!!!! Ya know it! It’s da pig coming at ya like a Lidl Stollen!

I bin getting the monies in ready fo Christmas coz I want to treat ma nan to a fierce foot spa dey got on special down at Boots. She totally worth it bruv!

Disco pig been working in one of those Christmas seasonal shops init. And man he be getting bored of Christmas songs on da shop stereo! Serious, if I hear Mariah Carey singin’ about what she want fo Christmas one more time, dere’ll be a crime. Nah, but serious, dere will…

Anyz, ‘ere’s da latest festive stampin’ tunez all wrapped up just fo youz.

 

Biff Clitchard – Time to buy a new calendar

Bradford Moped Group – Stop! Carry on.

Ashes Misery – I put five on it

Neonicotinoid Pesticides – Brian’s off to Lowestoft again

Megaquake – The thrill of cheese

Barry Goblin (ft. Frankie Ankles) – Shambolic log flume

Hemplegrunt Mupderspinch – Tra-la-la-la-la-faraldo-gadzooks-euro

Mincing Pies – Fabulously stuffed

Grumpy Dad – You can open them after dinner

High street Robbery – Seasonal price rise (saw ya comin’ reprise mix)

The Geordie Sores – Herod as a toad

Spatch! – No honestly Claire, I’ve always wanted a slanket. Lovely.

Unauthorised Entry – Stuck up your chimney


Disco pig – Halloween special

Pig-kin

Can’t breathe in dis thing!

Whoooooo…. WhoooOOOOooooo…. WhhhoooooooooOOOO! Nah, is not a ghost! Is me, Disco pig coming atcha like spooky pair a dungarees! Totally!

Disco pig, he loves Halloween coz he gets to do some of that Trick or Treatin’. Last year, some geezer on da posh estate, he bin tellin’ us that we not getting no treat, so we came back later and we treat us to his car keys! He be handin’ out da Haribo like a good boi dis year me think!

Disco pig also be playin’ up at the community centre lataz at the annual Monster Mosh, and here are some of da hauntin’ hoof hammerers me be playin!

 

The Decapitation Brothers – Don’t lose your head (down the back of the sofa)

Fright Train – Hell soulless sister

The Multifunctional Vampires – The JML bloodlust jamboree

The Clanking Chains – Comin’ off the sprocket

Day-Zee ft. Mad Fitt – Bryony, the Zombies are back again. I’ll tell them to try the Patterson’s next door

Schrilllllooricxxxx – Even monsters had mums once

Spectral Bookies – All bats are off

The Curse of Miss Malaprop – Prick or feet

The Jason Voorhees Ensemble – Why can’t I just meet a nice lady and settle down?

Pendulous – Calor gas night terrors

The Gangrenous Toads – Hubble double trouble

The Michael Jackson Puppetry Theatre – Thriller 2013 (strung-up mix)


Disco Pig

You can make your own hidden ALT tag message up in your head...

Protecting his Nan. Like a boss.

BIP, BIP, BIP, BOP, BOP, Weeeow Weeeow Weeeow Burzzzzzp. Yeah, it’s da pig, voice boxin’ like dat funny man off Police Academy. Disco Pig, he is not liking that film coz the fuzz always win init. Not cool brah…

Anywayz, I been staying at me nans, Cha-Cha Pig, lookin’ after her and keepin’ her nice. She does a royal Sunday lunch wiv all the trimmings so life is sweeeeet! She been havin’ some trouble wiv da local hoofs comin’ around her manor and tearing up her begonias. Disco Pig be all up in their face and stuff and teachin’ dem some manners. Unfortunate for Disco Pig, dey go and call up their brothers and, before I know it, da whole Aston Clinton massive be all over Disco Pig like a moth to honey!

Me? I got outta there man! Da Pig knows what good for him ya know!

Anyway, check out the total quality on dis selection of top beats! TUUUUNZ and naaaa fillaaaaa!

Disco Pig charts

The Best of the Bests – Mauve, Mauve, oh I’m so Mauve

Grimlock Ft. Spade of Bass – Get me to Winchester and the people will be freed!

Peter Gurdy and the Festival of Angles – You’re so obtuse (you probably think this song is about Bagels)

Skanky Fire Engine – Sound your siren like you want it

Overworld – Died sloppy

Café-Del-Mars-Bar – Deep fried if possible

The Other Otters Offer Better Butter – Soon see Sue’s sale shoes

The Temperate – I can see no reason why buying this record will affect you in any way

The Spokey Dokey’s – Click………click……..click…..click…click..clickclickclickclick

Frankie goes to Pinewood – Seriously, just calm down ok?

Queens of Marbella – Your villa’s on fire (Time-Sharez mix)

Messy Conquest – Dip in the crimson lake

M Cox and the Splendid Nosegays – Today has scampi written all over it


Disco pig

Scooter and pig

Want a bit of that!

Hoopla hoopla hoooooopla! Snout! Snout! Wiiiiiggieeeeeee!

Nice, intro there I reckon! How’s it goin’ ‘me trotter tribe? Disco pig be here spinning ‘d platterz what matterz! Well I have been spinning platterz coz Disco Pig get himself a cushy job down at Nando’s. Peri peri nice! I been workin’ and savin’ up for a sweet lookin’ scootae to impress ma sly sty friends. Dat’s ‘d ladies init! Dey be lovin’ a pig wiv wheels.

Anywayz, I been sniffin’ out some musical truffles for yoos. Bang ‘em on ya sound system…

Kevin Crackers and The Spreads – Both ways lead to Evesham

Shania Twine – Man! I feel like a cheese string

Rash Judges – Gavel burns

Tiny Fix – Leaky tap doing my nut in

They Could Be Midgets – Richard Roundtree stole my face but bought me flowers to make amends

Bad Trip – Sesame Street pinball shuffle(Ft. The number 7)

Spooky Fruit – OooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOoooooranges…

The Stoned Moses – G.E.A.R

Jif Marathon – Stupid global brand alignment

Jonny Trialer – Pop goes the Euro (vision)

Lexus Teaspoon Massacre – Got any two-stroke mister?

Bruno Saturn – When I was your Planet

The Barely Bare Bears – Quick Louise! The microwave’s on fire!

Thinking Lizards – Has Brenda found that pair of ornamental bees yet?

Backed a Wrong ‘un – Yes! Yes! Yes! Aw come ON!


Disco Pig

Kitchen Pig

Colander rulez

Diggin’ da piggy! Diggin’ da piggy ! Diggin’ da piggy! SWINE-OVERLORD!

Ya, das right, it Disco pig comin’ atcha like a bag of Fruitella!

Me and ma pig-brudda’s be all tearing up da clubs fo sho and Disco pig, he been spinning da platterz wot matterz iniit? In fact, Disco Pig been spinnin’ other platterz coz he been doin’ Come Dine Wiv Me on the T of V. Last night, Disco Pig had Delroy Pearson from Five Star, Vicki Michelle from dat Allo, Allo and Leonard Fenton who is Mister Dr. Legg from da Eastenders. Disco Pig won wiv his Moroccan inspired Kefta and chips. Dat some tasty dish I laid on them muthas. Fenton was well gutted.

Anywayz, time for Disco Pig to give out me musical advice from his bass-bin of tail-twirlers. Dis gonna mess ya right up!

 

Ramm Jamm and Gran Spam – Feed it some liver and let it live

The Spellbound Toddlers – Bright colours

Fracking Marvelous – Spanklebracelet

The Budleigh Salterton Cruize Party – Bowling green tragedy

Bobby Halitosis – Huffing in ya hand

The Ocelot Bombers – Whispering tramp, proud at heart

They Might be Muffins – Cup cake mix up

Antimacassar – Greasy marks

Toast Float ft. Spanish Graham – Fold them before they crease (ee-zee iron remix)

Consuming the Boat – Even the oars

The Unhappy Camper – Loving in the stoat bunkers

Bum-Taps – Rear ended (by your huge love vehicle)

Incredible Nazi Goldfish – Fish tash and no lighthouse

Miss Kia-Ora – Seven year warranty

Potato Party Ft. PSY – Salty banquet


Disco Pig rock at connecting four… chang! chang!

The disco pig

Connect to da piiiggg

Chang, chang, chang…badawhoop, badawhoop. Ayeiiie it me, Disco Da Friggin’ Pig back in da house to spin you some more of me bangin numbers, my little lean back bacon butties. Gloop, Gloop! What has de world famus Disco Pig been doin dis last week I hear you grunt? Well, woz no more my little mucky piglets cos I iz here to tell ya.  Pin ’em back cos here it is.

Da Disco Pig’s sista, Nightclub Pig came round ma crib last week wiv her little porkers. Dey is da bomb, but still young and finding der trotters in dis difficult world of ours ya know? Anydeways, dey got out da connect four and we had a battle in front of Cash in de Attic on da tellybox. Dem young porkers stink at connecting fours and Disco Pig beat em up bad, real bad wiv a 3-1 win in a best of five…Hah Disco Pig is da boss hog! Chill time now bloods – here is ma selection of top toons from da music scene this week, so burn up a spliff and enjoy – chang, chang!

Gullible Seagulls – Would you stop rubbing it now, Nigel!

Barry Goblin feat. MC Toolkit – Takin’ my barnacle (back to the shop)

The Biscuit Twins – Kung Fu Hymen gonna get you

Twisted Aubergines – No, it’s a not a pear, clearly

Frumpledink Hunglebert – Blackbird’s heart going to break in two

Asthmatic Maths Teachers – Squeezing the chalk

The Secret Gypsys – Can’t find my horse, perhaps it’s gone to Oxford

Amorphous Whores – Money can’t buy you gloves

The Arctic Camcorders – Weasel, weasel, weasel, stoat, stoat, stoat

The Suppository Muffins – Ding Dong Squirrel (gonna ring ya bell)

Subordinate Lemons – Mashin up and mashin down, we are mashin all around

Asbestos Mice Ft. DJ Jacket Potato –  Ships stop at the chip shop for chips, stop

The Scrotum Warriors – Went to the library and popped in to see my sister afterwards

The Cactus Moose –  Hospital beds ain’t what they used to be

George Haemorrhoid – Push it, push it real good

Compulsive Tennis Nets – Can’t get you out of my shed

 More hoof-tapping toons next week yer hear me now?