Yeee haaaaa! Howdy y’all! My name is Country Pig and yep, you guessed it I am the rootin’ tootin’ cousin of your friend and mine Disco Pig, writing this all the way from my swamp hide out in southern Alabama. Disco’s got his trotters all mucky and has gone away for a few weeks. ‘Parently he had his beadies on a brand new Mustang motor car, but it had an owner. That didn’t stop Disco from taking it tho…yeee haaaa! Anyway, he got himself caught and is now banged up tighter than a rattlesnake in a match box. So he says to me Country? I says Yes… Will you take over ma musicical column on that there Monkeybroth for a few weeks? I says sure boy count me in!
Now I ain’t tuned in to all that high beat pumpin’ music that Disco’s in to. No sir. To me it sounds like a three legged grasshopper banging around in an old moonshine jar. Disco won’t mind if I give y’all a taste of real Southern Comfort, some proper rebel bluegrass tunes which will put you right in the mind for some lovin’ with those hogtastic lady pigs in your life. So strap down your gators folks, here comes Country Pig’s top tunes, they’re hotter than a bluejay burger with extra jalapenos….Yeee haaaaaaaaaa……..
Polly Darton – You ain’t so much fun (now you’ve quit drinking)
Shania Twine – Man, I feel by using nerve ends which send messages to my brain
Kenny Loggins – I just want some analytics, s’all
Box Car Barry – I got so much, so how comes I ain’t got nothin’?
Carsick Chris – Slow down on the bends or else I’m gonna hurl
Barry Ray Circus – You wanna a piece of my flaky tart, my flaky, flaky tart?
Alligator McBeal – Gonna put you in the hot box in the swamp (cos I love you so)
Fried chicken and grits – It’s not real grit in the pie, it’s potatoes
The Mother Frackers – The Sun is bakin’ and my heart is breaking (cos you’ve gone and grown a beard)
Lovesick Larry – Cos I can’t think of another country singer
Dukes of Hazard – Health and Safety is important y’all
The Confederates – Ain’t given up yet Lincoln you hear us boy?
The Diner Boys – I’ll eat till I puke, then I’m gonna eat some more
The Stretched belts – Gut to meet you liddle lady
Dressed All in Denim – Love hurts, that’s why you got you some black eyes
Gator wrestlers – Stand by your Nan, cos she gave birth to your mother y’all