Yeee haaaaa! Howdy y’all! My name is Country Pig and yep, you guessed it I am the rootin’ tootin’ cousin of your friend and mine Disco Pig, writing this all the way from my swamp hide out in southern Alabama. Disco’s got his trotters all mucky and has gone away for a few weeks. ‘Parently he had his beadies on a brand new Mustang motor car, but it had an owner. That didn’t stop Disco from taking it tho…yeee haaaa! Anyway, he got himself caught and is now banged up tighter than a rattlesnake in a match box. So he says to me Country? I says Yes… Will you take over ma musicical column on that there Monkeybroth for a few weeks? I says sure boy count me in!
Now I ain’t tuned in to all that high beat pumpin’ music that Disco’s in to. No sir. To me it sounds like a three legged grasshopper banging around in an old moonshine jar. Disco won’t mind if I give y’all a taste of real Southern Comfort, some proper rebel bluegrass tunes which will put you right in the mind for some lovin’ with those hogtastic lady pigs in your life. So strap down your gators folks, here comes Country Pig’s top tunes, they’re hotter than a bluejay burger with extra jalapenos….Yeee haaaaaaaaaa……..
Polly Darton – You ain’t so much fun (now you’ve quit drinking)
Shania Twine – Man, I feel by using nerve ends which send messages to my brain
Kenny Loggins – I just want some analytics, s’all
Box Car Barry – I got so much, so how comes I ain’t got nothin’?
Carsick Chris – Slow down on the bends or else I’m gonna hurl
Barry Ray Circus – You wanna a piece of my flaky tart, my flaky, flaky tart?
Alligator McBeal – Gonna put you in the hot box in the swamp (cos I love you so)
Fried chicken and grits – It’s not real grit in the pie, it’s potatoes
The Mother Frackers – The Sun is bakin’ and my heart is breaking (cos you’ve gone and grown a beard)
Lovesick Larry – Cos I can’t think of another country singer
Dukes of Hazard – Health and Safety is important y’all
The Confederates – Ain’t given up yet Lincoln you hear us boy?
The Diner Boys – I’ll eat till I puke, then I’m gonna eat some more
The Stretched belts – Gut to meet you liddle lady
Dressed All in Denim – Love hurts, that’s why you got you some black eyes
Gator wrestlers – Stand by your Nan, cos she gave birth to your mother y’all
BIP, BIP, BIP, BOP, BOP, Weeeow Weeeow Weeeow Burzzzzzp. Yeah, it’s da pig, voice boxin’ like dat funny man off Police Academy. Disco Pig, he is not liking that film coz the fuzz always win init. Not cool brah…
Anywayz, I been staying at me nans, Cha-Cha Pig, lookin’ after her and keepin’ her nice. She does a royal Sunday lunch wiv all the trimmings so life is sweeeeet! She been havin’ some trouble wiv da local hoofs comin’ around her manor and tearing up her begonias. Disco Pig be all up in their face and stuff and teachin’ dem some manners. Unfortunate for Disco Pig, dey go and call up their brothers and, before I know it, da whole Aston Clinton massive be all over Disco Pig like a moth to honey!
Me? I got outta there man! Da Pig knows what good for him ya know!
Anyway, check out the total quality on dis selection of top beats! TUUUUNZ and naaaa fillaaaaa!
Disco Pig charts
The Best of the Bests – Mauve, Mauve, oh I’m so Mauve
Grimlock Ft. Spade of Bass – Get me to Winchester and the people will be freed!
Peter Gurdy and the Festival of Angles – You’re so obtuse (you probably think this song is about Bagels)
Skanky Fire Engine – Sound your siren like you want it
Overworld – Died sloppy
Café-Del-Mars-Bar – Deep fried if possible
The Other Otters Offer Better Butter – Soon see Sue’s sale shoes
The Temperate – I can see no reason why buying this record will affect you in any way
The Spokey Dokey’s – Click………click……..click…..click…click..clickclickclickclick
Frankie goes to Pinewood – Seriously, just calm down ok?
Queens of Marbella – Your villa’s on fire (Time-Sharez mix)
Messy Conquest – Dip in the crimson lake
M Cox and the Splendid Nosegays – Today has scampi written all over it
Wooop. Wooop. Woooooop! WOOOOOOOOOP! Yeah it Disco Pig smahin’ your brain wit’ a sack load of bass. That’s low frequency sound not a fish.
Yeah, so last week Dicsco Pig he be DJ’in for his cuz – Hoedown Hog at his wedding. Wantage was bangin’ dat night with some hard hittin’ Kenny Rogers. Man, that guy is one sharp-bearded smooth silver-fox mutha.
Next morning, Disco Pig, it be his head that’s bangin’ coz he had waaaay too much Stella 4! Serious, I threw up a LOT of kee-bab.
Anywayz, check the dub on these tail-twirlers.
The Beagles – Welcome to the Hotel Best Western
Barry Goblin ft. Oily Mars – Slippery chocolate
The Remotes – Spin the batteries a bit and it’ll work
Flip Fasteners – Warren Beatty is in the eye of the beholder
Over-done Genre – Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! (and some more zombies)
Worst Ever Gymkhana (redruM mirror-mix) – Walk on you silly boy!
The Grinning Stoves – Heat up for sex (do not freeze once reheated)
Brake Well Tarts – Avoiding a prostitute
Spongy Beast – Oh please don’t climb the pergola Betty
The Racqueteers – Mega grunt
Jonny Space Queen – Seemingly impossible dustbin races
The Over Here Sisters – Don’t stop moving babies
Ox-O Lamb – Constant Gravy
Coffee and Creme – Under your mum (forever)
Hoopla hoopla hoooooopla! Snout! Snout! Wiiiiiggieeeeeee!
Nice, intro there I reckon! How’s it goin’ ‘me trotter tribe? Disco pig be here spinning ‘d platterz what matterz! Well I have been spinning platterz coz Disco Pig get himself a cushy job down at Nando’s. Peri peri nice! I been workin’ and savin’ up for a sweet lookin’ scootae to impress ma sly sty friends. Dat’s ‘d ladies init! Dey be lovin’ a pig wiv wheels.
Anywayz, I been sniffin’ out some musical truffles for yoos. Bang ‘em on ya sound system…
Kevin Crackers and The Spreads – Both ways lead to Evesham
Shania Twine – Man! I feel like a cheese string
Rash Judges – Gavel burns
Tiny Fix – Leaky tap doing my nut in
They Could Be Midgets – Richard Roundtree stole my face but bought me flowers to make amends
Bad Trip – Sesame Street pinball shuffle(Ft. The number 7)
Spooky Fruit – OooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOoooooranges…
The Stoned Moses – G.E.A.R
Jif Marathon – Stupid global brand alignment
Jonny Trialer – Pop goes the Euro (vision)
Lexus Teaspoon Massacre – Got any two-stroke mister?
Bruno Saturn – When I was your Planet
The Barely Bare Bears – Quick Louise! The microwave’s on fire!
Thinking Lizards – Has Brenda found that pair of ornamental bees yet?
Backed a Wrong ‘un – Yes! Yes! Yes! Aw come ON!
Diggin’ da piggy! Diggin’ da piggy ! Diggin’ da piggy! SWINE-OVERLORD!
Ya, das right, it Disco pig comin’ atcha like a bag of Fruitella!
Me and ma pig-brudda’s be all tearing up da clubs fo sho and Disco pig, he been spinning da platterz wot matterz iniit? In fact, Disco Pig been spinnin’ other platterz coz he been doin’ Come Dine Wiv Me on the T of V. Last night, Disco Pig had Delroy Pearson from Five Star, Vicki Michelle from dat Allo, Allo and Leonard Fenton who is Mister Dr. Legg from da Eastenders. Disco Pig won wiv his Moroccan inspired Kefta and chips. Dat some tasty dish I laid on them muthas. Fenton was well gutted.
Anywayz, time for Disco Pig to give out me musical advice from his bass-bin of tail-twirlers. Dis gonna mess ya right up!
Ramm Jamm and Gran Spam – Feed it some liver and let it live
The Spellbound Toddlers – Bright colours
Fracking Marvelous – Spanklebracelet
The Budleigh Salterton Cruize Party – Bowling green tragedy
Bobby Halitosis – Huffing in ya hand
The Ocelot Bombers – Whispering tramp, proud at heart
They Might be Muffins – Cup cake mix up
Antimacassar – Greasy marks
Toast Float ft. Spanish Graham – Fold them before they crease (ee-zee iron remix)
Consuming the Boat – Even the oars
The Unhappy Camper – Loving in the stoat bunkers
Bum-Taps – Rear ended (by your huge love vehicle)
Incredible Nazi Goldfish – Fish tash and no lighthouse
Miss Kia-Ora – Seven year warranty
Potato Party Ft. PSY – Salty banquet
Whaaaaaaaatuuuuupp swifty piggggieeeeees! Yeah, it the X of Mas already and Disco pig, he be as happy about it as a pig in brandy butter.
The pig-crib is ram full of tinsel and ma bruvs, they be out singin’ Carols and grabbin’ some cash for it. Dem boys can hold a descant like swine angels!
So, Disco Pig gonna hit wrap you up with some cataclysmic hoof-thumpas to help ya festivities along. An’ stick a bow on it. Piggy style…
The Shoe Horns Ft. Barry Goblin – Smacking the stoat
Alzheimer’s Collective – Do they know it’s Christmas?
Swedish Salmon – Gravlax be thy name
Flute up the shoot – Acolyte gravy
Fat Man Beard – Pulling a Cracker
Neon Orange Tan – The Ballad of Lakeside
Mythical Maps – So here it is. Merry Christmas
Strangely Green Movement – Red wine before bed
The Presents Present Presidents – Daryl’s had all the best biscuits yet again
Derrick Hailstone and the Overwrought Working Party – Mighty are the whelk
Pointing out the Bleeding Obvious – So this is Christmas
Oliver Turkey Baste – Unusual Soup
Chaser Lights – Fuse Trippin’
Made Up Terms – Crowd Sourcing Ideas
Fire Hazard – Stockings by the Fire
Well… inspired. I’m sure Disco Pig will be back soon enough in the New Year. So that’s good I suppose.
Woop woop piggy swiiiiinnnnggg piggy piggy. Know dat. Yeah dat’s right, da pig is here, bangin on ya ears like a massive snowman of tuuuuuunes! What I mean bruv!
Disco pig, he been layin low for a coupla weeks. Da Solid Hog Crew, dey bin movin in on me patch and kickin up a whole heapa trouble wit ma bruvahs. I been planning a comeback of biblical size man! Gonna hit em wit some of my favourite snout bangers on da weekend. Dem bruvas not gonna know wat hit em! Turn up these tooooooons!
Ghastly Chocolate – Certain it’s carob
Judge in Session – Bang that gavel (to the beat of the drum)
Massive Tea Chest – You say it, I call it, he made it
A Guy Called Key – Show it you’re furious and it’ll back down
Faulty bricks – Kick it like a hamster
Distribution – Moving on out (of the depot)
The Mighty Q Pushers – I think you’ll find I was next
Bastion of Moss – The Kenilworth sessions
Last Chop in the Shop – Lookin’ Good (feeling jaded)
Base Model Vectra – Wind up windows and no alloys
The Kenneth Greasy Project– Ghosts in the windmill
Baritone Rising – Pie floater
Some People – Have no respect (tsk! remix)
The Shoddy Craftsman – Left my drill in the pub again
Sally Silly Sadly Society featuring Heidi-Holes – Chicken fillets
Historic Environments – Dusting the Burmese
Unsolicited Calls – Don’t hang up!
2pm Leaving the Cinema – I expected it to be dark outside
Peter Feet and the Convivial Jugglers – One up, two up, three up…. awwww
More top tunes and maybe a double leaning jowler from Disco Pig soon…