El Resterant erección masiva
Posted: 07/06/2013 Filed under: Monkeybroth cuisine | Tags: caribou, food, funny, Peter Frampton, restaurant, smut, spanish, Venezuelan 1 CommentCome and eat at Biffordshire’s most popular Spanish / Venezuelan fusion restaurant!
A family restaurant…
We cater for anyone from an angry distant aunt to your brother’s mate Tarquinii. Special rates for Monarchs and third division footballers. In house entertainment includes our very own Gastric Band who will serenade you with Yazoo’s greatest hits.
Entremés
Deep fried frog on a log with a scraping of turnip shoe
Prawn surprise – not suitable for those with heart conditions as the prawns are very keen
Bloated Plutocrat on a deep-stuffed mattress
Plato principal
Baby mushrooms in a white trouser sauce with a flimsy of Smash™
Steak of Peter Frampton lightly gnashed with boiled ear oil (a real colon pleaser!)
Mmmmmmmm of Salmon served with a reconstructed turkey drummer and blast-radius salad
‘Oh come ON!’ toast with a thermal caribou pâté
Postre will be…
…making snarky comments from the corner of the room.
Please book early to avoid booking late. Or alternatively, book late to avoid booking early – whichever suits.
Bizarrely arranged garden centre display of the week…
Posted: 18/05/2013 Filed under: ...of the week | Tags: bears, garden centre, iguana, odd, otter, strange Leave a comment
A bear affectionately strokes an iguana while an otter looks balefully on…
Monkeybroth classifieds
Posted: 03/05/2013 Filed under: Monkeybroth classifieds | Tags: DangerMouse, Graham Norton, Jamaica, Porsche Leave a commentVarious items for sale
I’ve been having a clear out and have the following up for grabs – 8 mint imperials, a Pedigree Chum mobile phone which will only take calls from Jamaica, some high-grade plums, a Bang & Olufsen carpet cleaner, a Vax CD player and a corset for garden gnomes.
£10 for each item or £5 the lot.
Call Bobby Swallows on [Private Number Withheld]
Fore Sail
Ocsferd Dikshonary in gud condishon. Jenuin reeson foor seling. Wood suet klevur purson or stewdant. A bit fockst on teh covur but nise uthurwyse. Severn pownds fore a kwic sayl.
contakt Mervin on mervindothydeatgeemaildotcowdotyoukay
Porsche 924
Not for sale, just wanted to say that I have one. You probably don’t! Ha Ha! I’ve got a Porsche and you don’t! Bet you’d like to have one though wouldn’t you? It’s red! Ha! RED! Bet you’d like a red 80’s Porsche wouldn’t you eh? Yeah, of course you would! But you haven’t, so suck it up!
May swap for Astra Diesel
Contact – starteddevelopmentasavolkswagonbuttheythoughtitwasntverygood@turbo.gloat
Warehouse clearance
Due to a leaky kettle, we have hundreds of simply massive foam horse effigies at unbelievable prices! From a Palomino to a lovely Bay, we’ve got just the simply massive foam horse effigy that you’ve been searching for! Also see our utterly enormous cakes in the shape of Graham Norton!
Located in Short Compton right next to the DangerMouse museum.
Disco pig
Posted: 24/04/2013 Filed under: Disco Pig | Tags: charts, Evesham, funny, music, Peri Peri, Richard Roundtree, Scooter 1 Comment
Want a bit of that!
Hoopla hoopla hoooooopla! Snout! Snout! Wiiiiiggieeeeeee!
Nice, intro there I reckon! How’s it goin’ ‘me trotter tribe? Disco pig be here spinning ‘d platterz what matterz! Well I have been spinning platterz coz Disco Pig get himself a cushy job down at Nando’s. Peri peri nice! I been workin’ and savin’ up for a sweet lookin’ scootae to impress ma sly sty friends. Dat’s ‘d ladies init! Dey be lovin’ a pig wiv wheels.
Anywayz, I been sniffin’ out some musical truffles for yoos. Bang ‘em on ya sound system…
Kevin Crackers and The Spreads – Both ways lead to Evesham
Shania Twine – Man! I feel like a cheese string
Rash Judges – Gavel burns
Tiny Fix – Leaky tap doing my nut in
They Could Be Midgets – Richard Roundtree stole my face but bought me flowers to make amends
Bad Trip – Sesame Street pinball shuffle(Ft. The number 7)
Spooky Fruit – OooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOoooooranges…
The Stoned Moses – G.E.A.R
Jif Marathon – Stupid global brand alignment
Jonny Trialer – Pop goes the Euro (vision)
Lexus Teaspoon Massacre – Got any two-stroke mister?
Bruno Saturn – When I was your Planet
The Barely Bare Bears – Quick Louise! The microwave’s on fire!
Thinking Lizards – Has Brenda found that pair of ornamental bees yet?
Backed a Wrong ‘un – Yes! Yes! Yes! Aw come ON!
Poetry corner
Posted: 22/04/2013 Filed under: Poetry corner | Tags: beard, bunnyboiler, devilled chicken, Kevin, large animals, smarmy Leave a commentThe Crisp Shirt – by Tracey Ultimatum
Perhaps just a little smaller?
Poor Kevin, poor Kevin,
Oh are you a fool?
Did kids tease your beard,
When you went to school?
You used to look neat,
But now somewhat dishevelled,
Your scary wife beats you,
With chicken that’s devilled.
Shirts once crisp,
Enough for the army,
If you had a lisp,
You’d sound far less smarmy.
You need a pet,
But give it some thought,
Don’t buy a big one,
It makes you look short.
Kevin please your little quips,
Far away from being fantastic,
Look at me and read my lips,
Are always tediously sarcastic.
Rock Stars in the morning…
Posted: 22/03/2013 Filed under: Rockstars in the morning... | Tags: Axl Rose, comb, creepy, funny, mom, red hair, rock star Leave a commentNo. 3: Axl Rose
Rock Star Axl Rose’s mom: Axl honey? Axl? Time for school honey!
Rock star Axl Rose: Awww mom….I’m trying real hard to comb my hair….
Rock Star Axl Rose’s mom: Come on honey, or you’ll miss your lift! Do you want me to do your hair sweetums?
Rock star Axl Rose: Yes please mom… Shucks! It sure is hard to comb.
Rock Star Axl Rose’s mom: And red honey…. You’ve always had such lovely, soft red hair…..
Such a nice polite young man wasn’t he? More entirely made-up flashbacks into rock stars’ childhood mornings soon folks!
Tabloid Squirrel
Posted: 20/03/2013 Filed under: Tabloid Squirrel | Tags: Beaver, funny, Golf, LAPD, Malta, news, Squirrel, Stickleback 1 CommentGertcha! All the latest Hollywoodland gossip from Monkey Broth’s very own peeping tom rodent, Tabloid Squirrel…gertcha!
This image – Not Photoshopped.
Phew what a scorcher! We hear on the jungle drums that Abele ‘The Face’ Otter has been on holiday showing off the assets that made her a star! She was captured flouting her fish-tinged whiskers at a $2000-a-night exclusive golf resort for the stars in Malta. Her agent told us – ‘She’s just enjoying life since the marriage break-up that cost her so much emotionally. Abele has always been keen on golf and has built up quite the handicap on the greens!’ We say – Fwourrrrrrr!
Meanwhile, Stickleback front man Chas Beaver has been in trouble with the law again after crashing his one million dollar Italian sports car into a roadside Fondue stand on the Las Vegas strip. Dam! Sources tell us that he spent the night in the cells. A Deputy of the Las Vegas Law Enforcement Department told us – ‘He was clearly not in his right mind, but once he’d come down from whatever he was on, he was sure sorry! He signed some photos and left the next morning. He’s basically a good guy.’ We still say that he’s a gnaw-ty boy!
Oscar winner Oscar ‘The Oscar’ Slow-Worm has revealed that he has a secret passion for collecting old mobile phones. On the set of his latest film, he explained – ‘It started off with a few old Motorolas but sort of snow-balled from there really. I have over 700 classic Nokias alone. They really do worm their way into your affections!’ His words, not ours! Dear God… – Ed.
Finally, New York socialite Gnatty Biteitch has been seen stepping out with yet another one of her personal trainers. This week’s hunky-monkey has been named as Barry Gibbon who had a time in the spotlight as the singer from obscure 80’s New Romantic band – The Swing of Things. His appearance alongside Gnatty has certainly caused quite a buzz!
That’s quite enough of that. Can’t believe we’re paying for this tripe… Tabloid Squirrel will be back for more animal-related shoddiness. Unless we can find a loop-hole in his contract that is.
Disco Pig
Posted: 04/03/2013 Filed under: Disco Pig | Tags: Fruitella, funny, Klefta, Morocco, music, overlord, Pig Leave a comment
Colander rulez
Diggin’ da piggy! Diggin’ da piggy ! Diggin’ da piggy! SWINE-OVERLORD!
Ya, das right, it Disco pig comin’ atcha like a bag of Fruitella!
Me and ma pig-brudda’s be all tearing up da clubs fo sho and Disco pig, he been spinning da platterz wot matterz iniit? In fact, Disco Pig been spinnin’ other platterz coz he been doin’ Come Dine Wiv Me on the T of V. Last night, Disco Pig had Delroy Pearson from Five Star, Vicki Michelle from dat Allo, Allo and Leonard Fenton who is Mister Dr. Legg from da Eastenders. Disco Pig won wiv his Moroccan inspired Kefta and chips. Dat some tasty dish I laid on them muthas. Fenton was well gutted.
Anywayz, time for Disco Pig to give out me musical advice from his bass-bin of tail-twirlers. Dis gonna mess ya right up!
Ramm Jamm and Gran Spam – Feed it some liver and let it live
The Spellbound Toddlers – Bright colours
Fracking Marvelous – Spanklebracelet
The Budleigh Salterton Cruize Party – Bowling green tragedy
Bobby Halitosis – Huffing in ya hand
The Ocelot Bombers – Whispering tramp, proud at heart
They Might be Muffins – Cup cake mix up
Antimacassar – Greasy marks
Toast Float ft. Spanish Graham – Fold them before they crease (ee-zee iron remix)
Consuming the Boat – Even the oars
The Unhappy Camper – Loving in the stoat bunkers
Bum-Taps – Rear ended (by your huge love vehicle)
Incredible Nazi Goldfish – Fish tash and no lighthouse
Miss Kia-Ora – Seven year warranty
Potato Party Ft. PSY – Salty banquet
Poetry corner
Posted: 13/02/2013 Filed under: Poetry corner | Tags: comedy, funny, ladies, poetry, scampi, shoes, strange Leave a commentScampi shoes – by Darren Bilgejump
A pair of scampi shoes sit on the beach and dream of life back in the open sea…
The man he is becomes a who,
When he wears his scampi shoe,
When time to eat he always tries,
To consume packs of Scampi Fries
Because the ladies love him too,
When he shows his scampi shoe,
Breeds jealousy in in other guys,
With scampi he barely has to try
The secret to disguise the smell,
He dabs on fragrant greasy gel,
Will he ever be the same,
The scampi shoe that is now tamed
Product that sounds suspiciously like another similar product of the week…
Posted: 04/02/2013 Filed under: ...of the week | Tags: brand, corn, creature crunch, crisps, eating, funny, monster munch, picture, snacks, supermarket Leave a comment
Soon to be all the rage – Rhyming snacks.
monkeybroth 