Poetry corner

Bodily terrors – by Gloria Headtorch

An ear lobe

No….NO…..NOOOOOOAAARRRRGHHHH!

There are noses in my dreams,
Snorting and snuffling and tooting and bubbling,
There are noses in my dreams,
The sort of thing that makes sleep so troubling

Knees feature quite prominently too,
Clicking and clacking and knobbly and retching,
Although I’d wish for something new,
It’s knees and not even ones that are fetching

Don’t get me started on the kidneys,
They frighten me most and make waking a pleasure,
They make me sleep-punch my Sidney,
He says that it’s fine and to punch at my leisure

The lobes! The lobes! Oh Christ yes the lobes,
Most often lobes scare me half blind,
And while I’m worrying about them in droves,
Stalking eyelashes sneak from behind

So while my night terrors are full to the brim,
With feelings of dread and foreboding,
Body parts full of most murderous vim,
With arms on the side-lines still goading.


Poetry corner

The Shoddy Monster – by Chesney Flatiron

monster

Terrible workmanship

He had never seen a nose,
Look quite as strange as that,
A question to him it did pose,
A thinking under hat

Now he looked the ears were poor,
The eyes were not all there,
Feet that shouldn’t touch the floor,
And hands that were not paired

The more he looked the more he found,
The faults the fizgog featured,
The torso it was far too round,
A funny looking creature

Because the stitching was so rough,
This time he’d save the lightning,
Formaldehyde’s expensive stuff,
The next beast would be frightening


Bizarrely arranged garden centre display of the week…

Care bear

A bear affectionately strokes an iguana while an otter looks balefully on…


Poetry corner

Scampi shoes – by Darren Bilgejump

beach shoes

A pair of scampi shoes sit on the beach and dream of life back in the open sea…

The man he is becomes a who,
When he wears his scampi shoe,
When time to eat he always tries,
To consume packs of Scampi Fries

Because the ladies love him too,
When he shows his scampi shoe,
Breeds jealousy in in other guys,
With scampi he barely has to try

The secret to disguise the smell,
He dabs on fragrant greasy gel,
Will he ever be the same,
The scampi shoe that is now tamed