Peter Foust-Grumpert and his blog within a blog
Posted: 14/03/2012 Filed under: Peter Foust-Grumpert | Tags: blog, demographics, favicon Leave a comment
...with no end and no beginning
Hi,
I’m Peter, a frustrated amateur writer who works in a related industry that sadly doesn’t feed my ego enough. So, with that in mind, I’ve decided to do what everyone does in my situation; write a blog!
Your email…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: It's your emails | Tags: cholesterol, moby Leave a comment
Not Freepost
Your email…
Q) Dear Monkeybroth
Why does my heart…feel so bad?
Moby, USA
Monkey Broth says:
Hi Mobes,
Sorry to hear that old son. How are your cholesterol levels looking? Well, not looking, that would be difficult obviously. To actually see cholesterol I mean. I am not even sure if you can feel cholesterol you certainly can’t hear cholesterol. Mmm… if you can’t see, hear or feel cholesterol it makes you wonder doesn’t it? I mean how do they know cholesterol exists if there isn’t any tangible sign of it. Oh X-rays and blood tests I suppose, yes, that makes sense.
Yours,
Monkeybroth
Animal of the week
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: ...of the week Leave a commentAnimal of the week No.1: Warthog
Tabloid Squirrel
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Tabloid Squirrel | Tags: news, squirrels, tabloid Leave a commentGertcha! All the latest Hollywoodland gossip from Monkey Broth’s very own peeping tom rodent, Tabloid Squirrel…gertcha!
Not secret. Tabloid.
I see them Hedgehog Twins have been out on the razz again this week. Your loyal servant Tabloid Squirrel CAUGHT up with a close friend of the stars who have featured in films such as Benjie’s Revenge and Why are you still bleeding Mr Robinson? to get the inside gen. By all accounts the twins, Debbie, 19 and Doris, 24 were partying the night away at exclusive club HERPES until well past their bedtime. The twinkle toed twins were spotted knocking back the rum and cokes before LEAVING with Hollywood A-lister Zac Backencrack. Daddy, multi-millionaire film producer Marvin T. Robot, won’t be a happy BUNNY reading this. My guess is that they will be in T-rouble when they finally crawl home!
Meanwhile closer to home, it looks like the Krayfish brothers are in a right ol’ pickle with their dear departed marvvver, to whom they were so good while she was alive. Having escaped from prison just last week the boys are already turning their attentions to their next big scam – Scaletrix! Reggie Krayfish has already held high level talks with Hornby and their plans to make an autobiographical version of the popular kids’ toy are starting to take SHAPE. But their fledging business won’t please their poor departed ma. She was a MASSIVE fan of Buckaroo and her will stipulated that the lads could only depict their life of crime and violence through a game of luck and chance involving small plastic barrels, spades and saddlebags. Insiders reckon she has already VISITED the family home and ticked the boys off proper style during a recent SÉANCE. What the fack?
And finally, Arctic terns are famous for undertaking the longest migration of any BIRD. Some individuals travel from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back again over the course of a year. Their migration means that they NEVER really have a winter – cos when the northern hemisphere experiences its winter months, the birds are in the southern hemisphere, and VICE versa. That’s a facking tern up for the books!
Moonman the Apocalyptic…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Moonman the Apocalyptic | Tags: aquarius, aries, capricorn, gemini, horoscopes, leo, libra, moon, pices, saggitarius, scorpio, stars, taurus, virgo Leave a commentYour weekly horoscope with our resident stargazer Moonman the Apocalyptic….
Hi guys, Moonman the Apocalyptic here back for another starry-eyed gaze into your future. There’s much to discuss this week especially for hairy-backed Librans from Redditch, who are in for a fantastic Wednesday week. Don’t forget to stock up on AAA batteries for that one, you superbly super hairy-backed Librans you… Read the rest of this entry »
Further adventures of the time travelling dishwasher tablets…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Time travelling dishwasher tablets! | Tags: dishwashers, Finish, Leap, Quantam, tablets, Ziggy Leave a commentTime-travelling dishwasher tablets!
FINISH QUANTAM POWERBALL DISWASHER TABLETS: “Okay Al – let’s have the details, where have we leapt to this week?”
AL: “Well, Finish Quantum Powerball Dishwasher Tablets, according to Ziggy we’ve landed in 1863, June 29thin fact. That’s about 48 hours before the Battle of Gettysburg”
Washing dishes in time and space
FINISH QUANTAM POWERBALL DISHWASHER TABLETS: “Okay – can you ask Ziggy why we are here… are there any dishwashers in 1863 for instance?”
AL: “Let me just check………okay, so Ziggy were there any dishwashers used during the American Civil War conflict? ………according to Ziggy………no, no there wasn’t.”
FINISH QUANTAM POWERBALL DISHWASHER TABLETS: “Well, then, erm… I guess we need to leap somewhere else.”
AL: “Yes”
More time-travelling machine based detergent in tablet form fun next week, folks!
Thought for the week, with the very Rev Archbishop of Toad-in-the-Wold
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Thought for the week | Tags: cube, rubik, thoughts Leave a commentThought of the week
With the extremely and hugely reverend Archbishop of Toad-in-the-Wold, Dr Robert Carolgees…
“As I sit here gazing over my parish from the converted attic I call my office, I find myself thinking more and more about life and about the church’s ever decreasing influence on this modern world of ours.
A beacon of puzzelment
Life moves at breakneck speed these days. Only last week one of the poor of the parish came to me in his rags and with his cap screwed tight over his blonde curls to share with me his latest toy. It was, to the untrained eye, a mere coloured plastic cube, although each side of the cube was a mixed up myriad of colours. No one side of the cube was the same colour. The young greasy scamp handed me the cube and challenged me to rearrange it so that each side of it became one colour.
Perplexed, I took the cube from him and repaired to the diocesan house which my status grants me and sat in my chair for almost the whole day bashing and twisting away at the plastic cube in front of me. After many frustrating hours a beam of bright light suddenly streamed through the windows, bathing the cube in its warm ethereal light. I do believe the Lord spoke to me at that very moment – my instructions were clear. I fetched a warm wet cloth from the kitchen and slowly but carefully peeled off the coloured stickers from the cube which only minutes earlier had caused me such a knotty conundrum. Carefully peeling them away I reapplied them to the sides of the cube to make each side the same, uniform colour.
What would have taken me days, was simply, and without fuss, achieved in a matter of minutes. The Lord he doth verilly move in mysterious ways.”
Tune in for more miraculous tales from Dr Carolgees next week!
Rockstars in the morning…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Rockstars in the morning... | Tags: music, rock Leave a commentNo1: Billy Idol
ROCKSTAR BILLY IDOL’S MUM: Rockstar Billy Idol! ….Rockstar Billy Idol!….. Its 8.15, you’ll be late for school. Are you getting up?
ROCKSTAR BILLY IDOL: “No”
Next week more morning related shenanigans with music stars from across the globe!
The Charts with Disco Pig
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Disco Pig | Tags: charts, countdown, disco, discos, music, records, top 40 Leave a comment
What it is brothers...
Yo,what it is you disco- loving muthas. It’s me Disco Pig, back with the phattest tunes on da phat farm. Hear me now, dese toons are the drizzle my little headphone piglets so get on em while dey is hot to trotter. Can I get a snout out, rewind…come on my little pink players, get em downloaded…dey be the Frazzlest terrrr-acks out there innit….
DJ Budgens Ft. Annabel Croft – Scupper the boat
Suspicious Brownstar – The shed is still locked, George
Basic carrots – Arthur C Clarke
Westside of town Ft. Lionel Blair – Carpet Stains
Arthur C Clarke – Basic Carrots
Can you feel the heat? – Get off the radiator you odious man
DJ Cream T – Jammin on the bread product
Marrissey – Heaven knows I’m in love with bread products
Badsnake – Gone done and bit me on the ass
Findus Crispy Pancakes – Dark side of the pancake
Goobledooble Facemymother – Magnificent Oaks
Whackstain – Arthur loves trains. ok?
The Chlorine Sisters – Swimming Trunks, rock, swimming trunks roll
Fast Freddy and Barry Goblin – Tracks of my ears
monkeybroth 