Monkeybroth’s public service announcements
Posted: 19/03/2012 Filed under: Monkeybroth announcements Leave a commentWelcome to Monkeybroth’s public announcements service. Here at Monkeybroth Towers we take our public duties extremely seriously. We love, cherish and respect our communities – even that old cow at number 78, who smells a little like wolf wee. You know the one – she comes out at night and shakes the bushes looking for robotic squirrels. Yeah you do, you’ve seen her. She was in Budgens on Tuesday buying Ribena for her pet corn snake…..
- New service for both Monkeybroth subscribers! – Cheery builders’ wolf whistles – are you a lonely lady? Don’t get much attention these days? We’ll come round your house and wolf whistle at you. No hard hat – no wolf whistle, lady. Visit shinybuildershelmetswilleasethepain.com for details!
- Too many rugs? Not enough rugs? Just the right amount of rugs? Visit rugamuffin.com today for a great deal on rug removal, rug provision or an appreciation of the fact that you have just enough rugs. We won’t be beaten on price, but our rugs will be!
- Did you know that since 1924 the pickled gherkin population of the UK has grown by more than 40 per cent? We all love seeing pickled gherkins in our garden, but for some they are a pest – turning over bins, weeing in alleyways and forcing public schoolboys to enter conker contests against their will. We can rid you of your problematic pickled gherkins for ever! Visit gherkinbegone.com for more details. You’ll be pickled pink you did!
- Have you used wolves too much in a stupid online blog that nobody reads? Have you used it twice already in a new crappy post about fake public service announcements? We can help with that – in fact we’ve removed wolf references in a number of these so called amusing online blogs already this week – George? George? How many was it?… no I am just writing our announcement for that Monkeybroth thing…..two? you see? We’ve done it twice already this week. Visit nomorewolvesinblogsforchristssake.com today!
Restaurant de limpieza un cerdo minuciosamente
Posted: 19/03/2012 Filed under: Monkeybroth cuisine Leave a commentNebraska! Here are the votes of the Belgian people….
This week, Le Restuarant de limpieza un cerdo minuciosamente is throbbed to present its special Grange Hill menu. Served daily after school just before Newsround.
Pour le mains….
- Eradicated Owl feet in a Gripper Stebson sauce, served with the droppings of anti-aircraft guns. Served on a mattress of mattresses and lightly whisked until turgid
- Gopher juice, gently encouraged from a thousand lactating gophers. Skewered and heavily mated over a slow, slow, quick, quick, slow flame
- Swimming pool for hire – no petting in the deep end. Comes with bronzed lifeguard and set of trunks. Fork optional
- Belly jelly – haughty blackbird stomachs folded in two and set for hours in Celia Imrie’s fridge. Comes with set of brake lights, and a subscription to Slap My Husband magazine
- Quartered fresh badger paws. Stuffed with David Coleman peppers and rhubarbs which have been forced to carry out random crime sprees on newsagents throughout South East London, against their will
- Stripped and beaten beef steaks, served in a Bob Monkhouse style sauce. Served during re-runs of the Benny Hill Show.
And pour le Puddings?
- Ginger Gonch cake, bullied thoroughly and told it has no future. Served with pant cream and fried hamsters
Peter Foust-Grumpert – And his blog within a blog
Posted: 16/03/2012 Filed under: Peter Foust-Grumpert | Tags: estrada, genius, leylandii, omelette, SEO, spanish 1 Comment
Manly TV viewing.
Hi,
I’m Peter, an up and coming leading light in the world of web 2.0. In fact, I’ve been dubbed by my partner ‘Mr. Web 3.0’! Glorious!
Get aboard my rising star-ship of a blog and let me take you to places in your mind you never knew existed…
Cardboard cut-out of the week
Posted: 15/03/2012 Filed under: ...of the week | Tags: bike, cardboard, cutout, dog, jumper, motor, red Leave a comment
Motorbark.
Peter Foust-Grumpert and his blog within a blog
Posted: 14/03/2012 Filed under: Peter Foust-Grumpert | Tags: blog, demographics, favicon Leave a comment
...with no end and no beginning
Hi,
I’m Peter, a frustrated amateur writer who works in a related industry that sadly doesn’t feed my ego enough. So, with that in mind, I’ve decided to do what everyone does in my situation; write a blog!
Your email…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: It's your emails | Tags: cholesterol, moby Leave a comment
Not Freepost
Your email…
Q) Dear Monkeybroth
Why does my heart…feel so bad?
Moby, USA
Monkey Broth says:
Hi Mobes,
Sorry to hear that old son. How are your cholesterol levels looking? Well, not looking, that would be difficult obviously. To actually see cholesterol I mean. I am not even sure if you can feel cholesterol you certainly can’t hear cholesterol. Mmm… if you can’t see, hear or feel cholesterol it makes you wonder doesn’t it? I mean how do they know cholesterol exists if there isn’t any tangible sign of it. Oh X-rays and blood tests I suppose, yes, that makes sense.
Yours,
Monkeybroth
Animal of the week
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: ...of the week Leave a commentAnimal of the week No.1: Warthog
Tabloid Squirrel
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Tabloid Squirrel | Tags: news, squirrels, tabloid Leave a commentGertcha! All the latest Hollywoodland gossip from Monkey Broth’s very own peeping tom rodent, Tabloid Squirrel…gertcha!
Not secret. Tabloid.
I see them Hedgehog Twins have been out on the razz again this week. Your loyal servant Tabloid Squirrel CAUGHT up with a close friend of the stars who have featured in films such as Benjie’s Revenge and Why are you still bleeding Mr Robinson? to get the inside gen. By all accounts the twins, Debbie, 19 and Doris, 24 were partying the night away at exclusive club HERPES until well past their bedtime. The twinkle toed twins were spotted knocking back the rum and cokes before LEAVING with Hollywood A-lister Zac Backencrack. Daddy, multi-millionaire film producer Marvin T. Robot, won’t be a happy BUNNY reading this. My guess is that they will be in T-rouble when they finally crawl home!
Meanwhile closer to home, it looks like the Krayfish brothers are in a right ol’ pickle with their dear departed marvvver, to whom they were so good while she was alive. Having escaped from prison just last week the boys are already turning their attentions to their next big scam – Scaletrix! Reggie Krayfish has already held high level talks with Hornby and their plans to make an autobiographical version of the popular kids’ toy are starting to take SHAPE. But their fledging business won’t please their poor departed ma. She was a MASSIVE fan of Buckaroo and her will stipulated that the lads could only depict their life of crime and violence through a game of luck and chance involving small plastic barrels, spades and saddlebags. Insiders reckon she has already VISITED the family home and ticked the boys off proper style during a recent SÉANCE. What the fack?
And finally, Arctic terns are famous for undertaking the longest migration of any BIRD. Some individuals travel from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back again over the course of a year. Their migration means that they NEVER really have a winter – cos when the northern hemisphere experiences its winter months, the birds are in the southern hemisphere, and VICE versa. That’s a facking tern up for the books!
Moonman the Apocalyptic…
Posted: 13/03/2012 Filed under: Moonman the Apocalyptic | Tags: aquarius, aries, capricorn, gemini, horoscopes, leo, libra, moon, pices, saggitarius, scorpio, stars, taurus, virgo Leave a commentYour weekly horoscope with our resident stargazer Moonman the Apocalyptic….
Hi guys, Moonman the Apocalyptic here back for another starry-eyed gaze into your future. There’s much to discuss this week especially for hairy-backed Librans from Redditch, who are in for a fantastic Wednesday week. Don’t forget to stock up on AAA batteries for that one, you superbly super hairy-backed Librans you… Read the rest of this entry »
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