Disclaimer – Here at MonkeyBroth towers, we take our editorial responsibility very seriously and would never stoop towards product placement. The following content is purely a happening that happened; a thing that went on, a shiny sixpence of experience in the chimney-sweep’s ear of life. So with that out of the way….
The other day, while perambulating the High Street of Upper Crunge I started feeling rather peckish, as one does after a heady morning buying reasonably priced, unusual family gifts and gilt cards at Rosemary and Frank’s Unusual Family Gifts and Gilt Card shop, just off of the Glambie Parade next to Next.
I high-tailed it to Mufkins Bakery – I think you’ll agree, the only place for lunchtime comestibles with options for wheat and gluten-free rolls and a variety of delicious fillings made fresh to order. If memory serves, it’s situated at 23 High Street, Upper Crunge, BF74 6NG – Tel 09875 4554 45631. But I digress. I quickly received my order of a Buffalo Mozzarella with Spanish Chorizo from the friendly, efficient staff and tucked into my tasty sandwich.
Alas, after I had devoured half of my enormous but surprisingly reasonably priced treat, I remembered that I had to make an important phone call to Simon Thrombosis; MonkeyBroth’s own resident lifestyle guru, agony uncle and part-time conceptual artist. Not wanting my moreish morsels to go stale during what would be a long conversation on my iRola GTZ-58000 smart phone, (kindly loaned to me by Upper Crunge Carmobiles4you on a very competitive tariff), I decided to pay a visit to one of my very favourite people – Graham Shinysides of Upper Crunge Zip Bags – your only choice for re-sealable food storage.
Located at 42 Drank Lane, just off the High Street, Graham has made the storage of foodstuffs and other spoilable material his life’s work for just over 13 months. Graham prides himself in his ability to find the right plastic sealable bag for you, big or small, no matter the weather.
While chatting amiably to him, he reminded me that he also does emergency call-outs – perfect for that Summer fete cake stall that is suddenly infested by a swarm of wasps. He also pointed out his new Suck-U-Matic vacuum packing machine that is a new service for this year and is aimed at the budget-minded storage shopper. I also recall that he will be introducing a special discount for all MonkeyBroth readers who state the code ADVERTBROTH at point of sale, which is nice.
After but a few short minutes, my sandwich was safely nestled in a beautiful clear zip bag that really could have passed as made-to-measure. “What great service from Upper Crunge Zip Bags of 42 Drank Lane!” I quipped as I bade Graham a reluctant farewell.
I called Simon on time (thanks to such swift service) and, with the excellent call quality of my iRola, had soon bashed out the finer points of his next article.
Afterwards, while I finished my succulent lunch on the banks of the river Crunge, I reflected on the quality of the tradesmen that service the people of this fine market town. Surely, they are a jewel in the crown of Biffordshire commerce, that, because of the diligence and finely-honed prices that they provide, will remain an asset to the local populous of our Shire.
MonkeyBroth would like to thank ‘A-to-B-iffordshire Taxis’ for transport to and from Crunge.
Next Week – MonkeyBroth visits Crunge Retail Village – opening soon on the outskirts of Crunge!
Framley wants a goose – By Hilary Insertcoin
Framley such a nice young boy,
Received a multitude of toys,
Upon his birthday – why so sad?
What troubles this upstanding lad?
When asked just what the problem was,
He told them that it was because,
A waterfowl was more required,
A feathered friend was most desired
“I told you mum
And you too dad,
I just love geese,
It’s not a fad!”
“The other gifts are nice and all,
I love the prostitute and ball,
But I implore I am so fond,
The thought of geese upon our pond”
His loving parents racked with guilt,
Had also purchased him a quilt,
But what was used to stuff this gift?
Their answer back was not too swift
Fried Green Guillemot at the Taunton Deane Services – by Fresty Stables
The pilot of his trusty steed,
Denzel pulled over to relieve his need,
M5 and coffee combo decreed,
A stop at hallowed Taunton Deane
Past the tempting flashing lights,
Slot machines offering cash delights,
Towards the phone shop offering bits,
A charger ancient Nokia’s fit
The Gents beckons with toilet stalls,
A place to let his trousers fall,
To stare hard at urinal cakes,
Or for that movement long since baked
Before his goal was gratefully reached,
His single minded mission was breached,
A stall that once sold travel socks,
Now sells Fried Green Guillemot
Denzel greed now firmly in mind,
Joined the queue for this new find,
But sadly his bladder could take no more,
His shame leaked out on to the floor