Poetry corner

Flan was bought – by Wendy Bendy

Flan fun

Stan’s flan. No Jam.

I haven’t seen him,
Said the man,
The man,
That bought flan,

Not for weeks,
Said he who speaks,
For weeks,
He repeats

Tried the gym?
Said him,
Keeping trim?
Not like him

Flan was bought,
Without thought,
Special flan,
Bought by man

Flan with jam,
Made by Stan,
How convenient
That rhymes

I don’t like the man-bought flan,
I will not eat it Stan flan man

MonkeyBroth Public Service Announcements

MonkeyBroth is determined to give you, you glorious creature, the most ‘now’ and ‘it’ announcements that are achievable within the bounds of English law.

We’ll own up that we did hire a sneak-thief in an attempt to steal upcoming announcements before they were released but, due to a typo with the admin, we were sent a steak-thief instead. We have apologised to Clive, our friendly local butcher, and returned the ill-gotten rump, shoulder and brisket to him post-haste.


Frosty Bobbins? Nippy Needles? Need you thimbles thawing? The coming cold snap promises to play merry hell with our treasured knitting and sewing tools but you can protect your investment with Steamstress. Simply pop your implements into the Steamstress storage area and fill the steam reservoir with tap water to keep the contents at a perfect 300 degrees Kelvin. Also works with Quick-Unpicks and Seam-Rippers. Available now at your local, inexplicably dark and disconcertingly quiet Haberdashery shop.

Warning, items removed from your Steamstress will be hot or possibly molten. Please allow items to cool for 48 hours before use.


road sign

Man struggling with umbrella yada yada…

Important message from Biffordshire County Council Due to the punishing winter climate taking its toll on our highways, Biffordshire County Council has initiated a series of road and byway repairs in and around the town of Spimlatch. Closures will be kept to a minimum and highways that experience heavy use will have night-time repairs. The following works are planned;

– The A8008 between Dank Lane and Spinney Jimmy Crescent
– Spooning Avenue adjacent to The Boating Spaniel Public House
– The Bridge over the river Why
– The floor of Melon & Sons green grocers (just under the lemon stand)
– Mrs. Jumplead’s creaky landing at 51 Beevertooth Road

Thank you for your patience.


Graham and Bunty’s Jam Cottage is open for business! After literally hours of renovation, the old florists in Hanktitch High Street has been TRANSFORMED into The Jam Cottage! Ready for all your taxidermy needs, The Jam Cottage provides the full stuffed animal service. We’ll stuff anything from a Llama to a favourite pet woodlouse. Competitive prices guaranteed. Poses and historical scenes a speciality. Check out our window display depicting The Battle of Lowestoft in spectacular detail.

Open from 11am till late! Pop in for a consultation and a biscuit.