MonekyBroth classifieds

End of the world Headphones

I’ve got a pair of P.M. Dawn branded headphones for sale. These are the noise cancelling model but unfortunately, the noise cancelling function has developed a fault which means that they cancel their own noise out. This causes an audio paradox that threatens the fabric of space and time. May be fixable.

Free to a collector – call Derrick Shambles on Skunchton 687451

 

Hydrophobic hairdryer

Great condition with only slight cosmetic damage. Terrified of water but can be used for inflating very small hot air balloons. Alopecia forces reluctant sale.

£12 ono – email me on hairtoday@dampness.net

 

Unfinished Fox

In only lightly foxed condition, this fox has a lovely face, can erect a marquee in only 15 seconds and has been taught proper table manners – none of that elbows on the table tat you get with lesser foxes. Due to reduced circumstances, I am unable to finish this fox but he only needs a few skills to make him the full package. First to see will buy!

Phone or Fox Sandra Spandex – Cleft 454547

 

Outrageously small molluscs

Due to civic unrest, I have a warehouse full to the doorstop in outrageously small molluscs for knock-down prices! ‘How small?’ I hear you ask! They are even more outrageously small than my sale on incredulously miniscule Italian grandmothers last week. Yes, they really are that outrageously small! Discount for bulk purchases over 35 grams.

Call Fred MacAspoon – Baffle 110010

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Poetry corner…. because you’re worth it

Bees

By Arbuthnot Turbo

 

Bees, Bees, Bees

Are quite blind did you know?

I do experiments on them see, put them all in a row

I’ve made a little sign out of wood and chalk, didn’t cost much money

In tiny writing I’ve scrawled ‘Over here if you want free honey’

I then asked them to move that way if they were able

But not one bee, not one! responded

In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn’t have nailed them all to the table

 

My life is a rollercoaster

By Sue Pernoodle

 

Foxes, Foxes, Foxes

Foxes, Foxes, Foxes, Foxes, Foxes, Foxes

Foxes

My life is a rollercoaster,

Foxes, Foxes, Foxes

Foxes?

Foxes!