Births, Deaths and Marriages


Monkeybroth is deflated to bring you the latest round up of personal announcements from across Biffordshire. The county clearly has got it going ON. We need to add our own sad news to these announcements. Frank, the office goose here at Monkeybroth Towers, passed away gently in his sleep on Friday night. He was six and leaves behind a wife Gloria and 234 goslings. We used to hook Frank up to the office fax machine and took great delight in pulling the archaic communications from his beak. He was a real joker and used to make great cappuccinos. A sad, sad loss. Still never mind, we can’t sit around here all day crying over dead geese.


A SON! Mr and Mrs Michael Go-Cat of Trumpet Avenue, Badcheek have found a baby under the pampas grass in their front garden. While the Go-Cats are keen roundabouters they don’t think it’s been there since their last roundabout party with other couples from the neighbourhood, nine months ago. Anyway, they have provisionally called the baby Eczema, so if it’s yours come and claim little Eczema by ringing Badcheek, 69696969

ANOTHER SON! Barry and Petunia Pink-Floyd of Grassyknees, Biffordshire are delighted to announce the birth of their son Aardvark, a brother to the couples’ twin daughters, Ant-Eater and Jane. To celebrate, the family are hosting an open event in the grounds of Stuart Hall, Grassyknees’ sumptuous Elizabethan house. All are welcome, but asthmatics are asked to book in advance.

MR ARTHUR CABINET of Whisk is saddened to announce the sad passing of his mother. Varnish Gladys used to work at Woolworths where she would lick the flying saucers before placing them in the pick ‘n’ mix buckets. A former test pilot for NASA, Varnish went into steady decline over the last few months although still managed to delight younger family members by inviting them to find the Cornettos she had hidden around her body. Donations to the British Fart Houndation please.

A DAUGHTER! George and Mildred Thunderstorm of Barrygibb, Biffordshire are pleased to announce the birth of their first daughter, Steve, a sister to the couple’s sons, Angela and Octavia. The Thunderstorms are delighted to have a daughter after all this time and they have already enrolled young Steve in the Barrygibb Academy for Ladies with Boys Names. The Christening takes place next Tuesday when Archbishop Dr Robert Carolgees will be officiating. He’s doing it in his new leather jacket, kindly provided to him by his parishioners.

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