By Godfrey Whipplesticks
I’m so in love with Marjorie Whim,
She looks so proper, upstanding and prim.
But underneath that restrained exterior,
I reckon she’d enjoy a whack on her posterior,
Perhaps with a rolled up copy of The Sun
Or something heavier like the Times, what fun!
But despite my yearnings for the fragrant Marge
My fears that she’ll eschew me just loom large.
I stare at her wistfully across the office canteen,
As she stoops to pick up a floored runner bean
Most of us surely would grunt and grumble,
Having to bend so low and fumble,
Along the floor to find that errant vegetable,
But graceful Marjorie is just so able.
It’s more of a swoop than anything I guess,
It’s amazing to watch I must confess,
A shapely bend of the knee towards the floor
My heart is racing, oh my god, phwoooar!
Oh crikey but now Marjorie has spotted me,
Now I am in trouble I had better be,
On my best behaviour, not be so keen
But oh look whoops I’ve dropped another bean
Just to see Marjorie bend again in the canteen
I can’t help myself but I really must be cagier
Cos now I’m in trouble with my line manager