Poetry corner

Gary did it – By Jimmy Spaff

Toy lion

A lion. For no particular reason.

He did you know,
I saw him too,
Gave him legs,
Of daring do,
He swims like crayons,
In seas of Rainham,
Gary did it,
In the Planetarium

He folded the cheese,
Like a Spaniard cake,
I based his head,
On Quentin Blake,
Sun bleached quads,
Of furious moles,
Gary did it,
On gout-filled shoals

Did you see him,
Does he know,
Boats are chasing,
His old baby grows,
Most like a fleeting,
Of chaps looking grim,
Gary did it,
I bloody well saw him

Win with Monkeybroth!

It’s competition time, folks!

Monkeybroth is apprehensive to announce its very first competition!

Yes, that’s right, you could win…

Your own body weight in moles!

We’ve teamed up with the UK’s leading mole provider Going Underground Mole, Mole, Mole to offer one lucky reader the chance to win their own body weight in moles. Clearly, and perhaps hopefully this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! To take part, simply answer this question below and you’ll be on your way to win your own body weight in moles.

Just complete this well-known phrase or saying: A mole in the hand is worth….

a)     A mole

b)    Two moles

c)     Three moles

d)    Bisto Gravy Granules

Email your answer right here to us at Monkeybroth Towers on christIlovemoles@monkeybroth.com Alternatively, call our mole hotline on: 0845 33333333333333 (lines open every alternate Shrove Tuesday from 9am until 9.01am) Again alternatively, text your answer followed by your name to MOLE on 1111. Even more alternatively, write to us at: Yes, I want loads of moles, Derek the competition chap, Monkeybroth Towers, Pigeon Street, Cum-Wisely, Biffordshire, CW8 78X.

Closing date: is not really applicable

Please read the below terms and conditions before entering

  • Entrants must be under five stone in weight. Proof of weight may be required before any prize(s) can be released from their underground lair
  • Employees of Monkeybroth, Going Underground Mole, Mole, Mole or their families cannot enter the competition. Nor can anyone who works for Tesco. People living in Bedford, Grantham or Whitstable are not eligible
  • No cash alternative is offered. If you don’t want to win your own body weight in moles, it’s probably best if you don’t enter to be honest
  • From time to time, Monkeybroth and Going Underground Mole, Mole, Mole would like to send you other offers and possibly mole related information. This includes Going Underground Mole, Mole Mole’s monthly newsletter The Mole. If you would rather not receive this information simply send us some tiger fur, a wizard’s stick, a pair of Des Lynam’s socks and some whispers to the address above. Going Underground Mole, Mole, Mole will send you stuff anyway, I expect. That was kind of the agreement we had with them when we set this up to be honest. Still on the bright side you might win your own body weight in moles, you might not, whatever really.
  • In case you hadn’t noticed this isn’t a real competition. Being able to win your own body weight in moles isn’t that practical really. Owls on the other hand….

Good luck!