HALF A RAT for sale. Back end. Unwanted gift so priced to sell. Would suit owner of front end of rat, looking for the back end of a rat to make one rat. Alternatively it might be useful for someone who had another back end of a rat who wants a pair of back ends of rats. Call A. Taxi on Grunton 345556433.
AIR for sale. For some reason I seem to have loads of spare air just floating about the house. Got more than enough for personal use; hence this reluctant sale. First to see will buy, but good luck with that as it’s air I’m selling. And it’s very difficult to see. Call Alex Ferguson on Badguff-on-Mold 435666433.
CORDUROY iron – need to add corduroy to your everyday items? I am the managing director of a large multinational corduroy iron company but am taking out a small classified ad to make this offer appear more genuine. We all need more corduroy in our lives and a corduroy iron can go ahead and add that corduroy. Just iron over the item you need corduroy on and within a few minutes the item you wanted corduroy on will have corduroy on. Corduroy Iron – it will have you in creases! Call Bob Satan-Marigold on Clots 45343232112211
OTTER DUNGAREES – Due to a heavy electrical storm I have up to eleven pairs of stylish denim otter dungarees. All clip fastening, these lovely items are presented in their original cardboard box complete with collectible ‘Lidl meat’ printed on the side. Due to a heavy cold these dungarees are not yet waterproof, but don’t let that put you off making a purchase for the otter (or eleven) in your life. Call Garry Baldi on Fortescue Major 4311998009
HOLIDAYS WITH PETS – Looking for the perfect getaway this summer? Since being committed last year but subsequently released with an electronic tag I know I am! How frustrating is it though to book a lovely hol only to hear that pets are not allowed? Very I should say. Well, now that disappointment no longer needs to be a thing of the past. I’ve got the keys to two lovely Biffordshire cottages just a few metres from the Keeley Kidney Stones, Biffordshire’s most ancient monument. Please note that the cottages are not suitable for pets. Call Whump on 8877665 and ask for Barry Ungulate.
THE STEAM OFF MY WEE – I’ve noticed a lot of steam comes off of my wee these days. Especially on cold days. An ideal bottled gift for the model train enthusiast or pervert. Call Arthur Stretch on Vagisil 6546443