Poetry corner

The Golden Rush

by Bertram Tool

Ah, the involuntary fart at the urinal

It gives no warning of its arrival

Old Charlie is released into the open air

All fresh, free, naked and bare

All geed up for that first push

And that lovely relieving golden rush

Wandering minds turn to sport

Or that worrying day in court

As the spray foams around the pan

It’s a lovely time for any man

But then suddenly you become a little hot

What’s that tension around the bot?

A quick look around; is anyone there?

Can I really do a fart in here?

There really is nothing to be done

To stop this train, it’s no fun

Panic stricken clenching is the last resort

Keep telling yourself you’ve got to stay taught!

But Mother Nature she knows better

Just pray to your god that it won’t be wetter

Than the one you did when being examined by that nurse

That was bad, this could be worse!

For the love of Christ what is this curse?

It’s a battle in your pants the scale of Waterloo

Here it comes; choo, chip, chip, choooooo…

The smoke is clearing, the battle is done

Did you lose or was the fight won?

Another look around; the cubicles are free,

Until the next time you pop for a pee….