Poetry cornerPosted: 24/05/2013 Filed under: Poetry corner | Tags: cardigans make me look fat, Cor blimey guvnor, I've lost my sausages Leave a comment
The Golden Rush
by Bertram Tool
Ah, the involuntary fart at the urinal
It gives no warning of its arrival
Old Charlie is released into the open air
All fresh, free, naked and bare
All geed up for that first push
And that lovely relieving golden rush
Wandering minds turn to sport
Or that worrying day in court
As the spray foams around the pan
It’s a lovely time for any man
But then suddenly you become a little hot
What’s that tension around the bot?
A quick look around; is anyone there?
Can I really do a fart in here?
There really is nothing to be done
To stop this train, it’s no fun
Panic stricken clenching is the last resort
Keep telling yourself you’ve got to stay taught!
But Mother Nature she knows better
Just pray to your god that it won’t be wetter
Than the one you did when being examined by that nurse
That was bad, this could be worse!
For the love of Christ what is this curse?
It’s a battle in your pants the scale of Waterloo
Here it comes; choo, chip, chip, choooooo…
The smoke is clearing, the battle is done
Did you lose or was the fight won?
Another look around; the cubicles are free,
Until the next time you pop for a pee….