Hornbag public service announcements!

Exciting stuff this week, Monkey Broth-ers. We’ve just received official news that Hornbag, Biffordshire, has been selected as Duvet Times and Blanket News’ official page three village! It’s a real honour for the good folk of Hornbag, who are rightly proud of their picturesque and quintessentially picturesque village. Nestled between the Busty Downs of East Biffordshire, Hornbag is a village steeped in picturesque history. If you get a moment, do visit Old Ma’s Spring museum showcasing different types of spring from across the village. Once you have seen both springs, then enjoy a much needed reviver at the The Crow’s Crack Inn on Whump Avenue, just opposite Budgens. Hornbag, come for a day and stay for a day!

To celebrate Hornbag’s elevation to the dizzying heights of becoming Duvet Times and Blanket News’ page three village of the month, we’ve dedicated our public services announcement to all things Hornbag. So if you are in Hornbag, BE in Hornbag by immersing yourself in everything this quintessentially picturesque village has to offer!

Hornbag’s Premier Indian Restaurant, The Harvest Moon, is just too pleased to announce a new addition to our most popular menu. After much pleading by Hornbaggians we’ve turned the famous local Hornbag delicacy into a curry! Yes, for the first time, you can now enjoy overweight, sweaty paper boy masala or, for a special creamy treat, why not plump for overweight, sweaty, paper boy korma! Hornbaggians receive no discount so get along to the Harvest Moon, situated just yards from this theatre! Call the Harvest Moon on Hornbag 7688976. You’ll have reservations about visiting!

Having a dinner party? Great! So am I! Call Gordon Bleu on Hornbag 558737 for more details.

Need to look busy at work? Well, let us glue a phone to the side of your face! Glue Phone has been operating out of Hornbag since 1887 and we are fine purveyors of glue and phones.  If you have a big meeting coming up but don’t fancy it, simply give us a call and we’ll glue a phone to your face, right there and then! Ideal treat for the busy corporate executive in your life! Not to be confused with Glued To The Television Company in Cleft.

Moles – Huh! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing! So goes the famous poem by William Shakespeare. But that’s where you are wrong, because here at Moles to Poles we know much better than you! Turn your unwanted moles into poles today. No mole too small; so whether your tent needs much needed restoration or your daughter is getting married and the spoilt little cow wants the big showy wedding, and guess what Daddy, you’re paying for it, and you need a marquee put up quick then let us know. Why buy expensive poles when we can turn your unwanted moles into poles for you? Some self-assembly is required. Hornbag 45454545

Giant Inflatable Kittens – have been hitting the news recently and why not? They are only too adorable. Often the preserve of the rich and famous, now you too can own and enjoy a taste of Hollywood’s latest craze. For a quite a big fee actually we’ll happily lower giant inflatable kittens on to your roof. 24 hour emergency call out rate applies, roof owner must supply own gas in order to inflate giant kittens.

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